Pagbigyan na....

Space.

Ano ka? Astronaut para bigyan ko ng space? Pero siyempre, di ko yun sasabihin sa kaniya.

Today, I haven't messaged him nor called him. Naiintindihan ko na... Maybe he wanted space. Baka naso-suffocate na siya sa akin dahil nga araw-araw kaming naguusap thru phone bago matulog. Pagbibigyan ko na siya sa gusto niyang mangyari na every other day na lang kami magusap thru phone. I will stop expecting receiving messages from him daily also. Kailangan kong gawin 'to. Ito lang ang paraang alam ko para hindi ma-toxic ang relationship namin. Mahirap naman 'yung may isang na-totoxic di ba?

Maybe I should grow on my own as well... Naka-depende na kasi sa kaniya at sa expectations ko ang emosyon ko. I should learn how to control it again. Just like the old days when i was single. I should take over control of my emotions!

Hope it will be fine in the next days.

Hindi na ako maa-upset, promise. Nakakuha na ako ng payo from my best friends...

:D

Love. love. love

Communication

My relationship with my first ever boyfriend was not perfect. No relationship is perfect, i realized.There were good times, there were bad times. During good times, there times were like... i was in a cloud nine, butterflies and sparks are all over, everywhere. I love being with him, to the extent that I can literally survive the day if i was in his arms all day and all night.

Waking up beside the man you love was pure heaven. I remember waking up with him, thinking, "Ah, i could get used to this for the rest of my life". And boom! Suddenly I realized that I am starting to think about my future with this man, about how our life will be 3 years from now...

He was my first in all of the first that a girl to grown up woman like me should experience. My first real romantic date, first kiss, first holding hands, first intimate hug with a man, first dance, first man who brought me flowers... My first love. And all the first that you could think of. He often visit me in our house thrice a month since we separated from my previous work (we were co-workers that time).

But aside from good times, there were bad times. We are normal couples who fight but we make sure to end the issue at the end of the day. We always has communication issues. Communication for me is one of the important things in a relationship so as much as possible i would like to talk to him once a day, after work. But what is it with men not to notice that we women wants to connect more often? We are genetically wired for that. He usually asserts that we are always talking to each other so maybe we should make it to call every other day. I was like, "always?!" We barely chat in fb during daytime, and there were many times that he doesn't chat me in a day... I do not doubt his love for me. But he do not initiate the communication thing. Yes, he visits me in our place but i would like to talk to him once a week.. 

Agh, men! What is it with you not to be touchy about those things? LOL

But we're working things out. And hopefully we can agree on  those things..........

Sinner or Saint ?

I know I am not perfect, nor good or saint. I always fall on doing sins. And I always regret that and I continuously ask for God's forgiveness to my sins.

But I have committed this one grievous sin that I never knew I could. But I did not regret doing that... At Lagi-lagi akong humihingi ng tawad sa Panginoon para doon.

May mga pangayayari lang lately na bumabagabag sa akin.. It's really complicated. 

Maybe there is a reason kung bakit nangyayari samin to. Hindi ko nga alam na makakaraing ako sa puntong ganito, e. Never in my wildest dreams.

But everything is okay now. Marami na din ang na-realize at mga aral na natutunan para sa susunod ay hindi na mangyari ang kinatatakutan ng lahat...

Pero hindi na maibabalik ang nakaraan...

I am a sinner. not a saint.

And it is all because of love.

It's complicated.