Rant Pa More!

Dear Readers,

I don't usually brag my profession unlike any other people who has jobs. Not that I am not proud and confident in what I do but I think, I lost interest in my profession. Everybody knows that this is not my first love. I hate the fact that I hate what I do! Damn. Fuck Midlife crisis.

I don't want to admit to everyone that I am lost. Literally lost. I do not know where to start, where to go and what end of my career do i want. What do I want? I don't know.

If I will stop working, I will get depressed cause i don't want anyone to support me. I promised to myself to stand on my own feet....

Sometimes, I get depressed whenever I will talk to my colleagues and they are successful in the road they chose. Not that I envy them because they have the potential of being rich someday, but i envy them because they like what they do. Me? I don't know why i still feel like i lack of something. Parang may hinahanap pa ako. If you'll compare it to cooking of your favorite dish, may lasa ka pang hinahanap-- pero pagkain pa rin ang niluluto mo at alam mong malapit ng maluto. Ganun. Maaring mare-realize mo na ayaw mo pala ng niluluto mo, pero sa bandang huli, di ka titigil sa pagluluto hanggang sa makuha mo ang lasa.

Hayyy. I always wish to God whenever I'll worship that may He give me the happiness that i really want-- sa career. Masaya naman ako, pero hindi kumpleto. Maging masaya lang. But it is not that simple pala. Akala ko, ganun-ganun lang maging masaya. Ang hirap hanapin kung saan ka masaya. Marami palang gusto ang tao. Paiba-iba, nage-evolve sa paglipas ng panahon. Or maybe because I am in the middle of my midlife crisis?

I hate the fact that I hate what I do! Sana maging busy na....

Actually, wala kasi akong magawa sa new job ko kaya nagra-rant ako ng ganito. Natatakot akong baka nasasayang lang ang panahon ko sa paghihintay..... habang hindi ko pa nakikita kung saan talaga ako masaya. Tsk.

Maghahanap na ba ako ng bagong trabaho? or I will stop working o magisip?

Kailangan ko munang mag-ipon ng matindi!

Ine-expect ko na ang sarili ko na broke pa rin pagkatungtong ko ng 30's. huhuhuhu Hindi pa ganoon kasuccessful sa career...

ANyway, rant pa more! Sobrang hussle kasi ang biyahe.... at walang magawa sa work. huhuhu

Signing off...

Amohr Seyer

Lost Stars

I want to write! I want to write! I want to write! I can feel it in my bones right now. LOL. Gusto ko lang na may mapagbuhusan ng nararamdaman ko, dahil hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko dito. I'm so full of romantic thoughts (well, thanks for my boyfriend. Ang sweet kasi!) at dahil hindi ko naman siya nakakasama everyday gaya ng dati, walang mapaglagyan ng kilig ko. I really want to write again. So... I think magsisimula na akong magsulat ng isang nobela. Uumpisahan ko ngayon, pagkatapos ay buong araw ako magsusulat sa quezon city day, at sa susunod pang mga araw. Maraming holidays! hehehehe... Sana magawa ko...

Anyway, sobrang nag-enjoy na naman ako sa araw ko kahapon. Weekend e, meaning, a day with my man na naman. He visited our house saturday night after his work for sleepover. Bonding time kasama ang Aunt ko. By morning, sabay kaming sumamba sa Kapilya to worship. Then we head straight to the mall for our date :)

Super happy lang coz i got the chance to see him during the weekend pero nagaalala lang din ako na baka kinukuha ko na ang natitirang araw niya para magpahinga kasi sunday lang ang off sa construction industry. Since maraming holidays next week, I told him na depende sa kaniya kung gusto niya kaming magkita ulit, pero itinaboy ko na lang siya dahil baka masakal na siya. xD I wanted him to interact with different person naman kasi iyon ang nakikita kong gusto niya. At ska, ako rin kasi ay nalulunod sa affection namin sa isa't-isa, na tipong sa kaniya na nakadepende ang emosyon ko sa araw-araw.

So I said I will write, para doon ko maibuhos lahat ng emosyon ko sa kaniya. My first love was so overwhelming, at kapag hindi ko kinontrol ay baka ako rin ang makasira sa lahat. It was perfect, he was a charming, kind and lovable partner, and i don't want to make him feel imprisoned with my love. I want him to be as free as possible, but still knowing his way back in my loving arms...

Kailangan ko na lang sanayin ang sarili ko na hindi siya palaging kausap. Chat is okay, pero limitahan na, kasi kahit nagwo-work ako ay hindi ko mapigilan.

Anyway, working hours pero ito ang ginagawa ko. Sorry na.

Ipagpapatuloy ko ang kuwento next time :)

Anyway, ang title ng entry na ito ay isa sa mga paborito kong kanta at pinapakinggan ko ngayon.

Love,

Amohr