Random Thoughts

I can relate to the heroine's feelings of the novel I'm reading right now. The effect of reading a romance novel. I wonder when will I experience such feeling. Ah, damn the hopeless romantic side of me.

I'm looking for inspiration to write. Be it a person, a book or even an experience. Now I'm being straight forward in here. Some little voice was starting to nag me, which says "Go out in your comfort zone, swallow your pride and go meet some people!"

Knowing me, I'm always interested to all of the people i get the chance to talk to, its just i dont have the guts to ask them personal questions. I'm just waiting for them to ask, and eventually i find my self waiting to find white feathers from a crow. Don't do others what they dont do unto you maybe they don't want to be asked too, right? So i wont ask.

I want to meet a guy who is exact opposite of me. I'm such a boring and monotomous person (although i'm trying to break that me when i have the confidence i could handle the situation), and i wish i could bump into a lively and "makulit" guy. LOL And i think i haven't met him. Yet.

I wish i could hold his hands without feeling ashamed because he already knew what i'm feeling. The guy who would hold back tight and never let go. The guy who would take me to his house to meet his family and friends. The guy who could make me laugh always. Serious when it comes to his feelings. The funny and serious. And now that's complicated. LOL

I remember our interesting conversation of the company driver, while on the way to a pre-bid conference to meet my boss. Here is the convo:
Mang E: Eh 'di daig mo pa kuya mo, may boyfriend ka siya walang girlfriend.
Me: Ah e wala po akong boyfriend (kamot sa ulo, lagi nlang kasi ako napagkakamalang may bf daw.)
Mang E: Wala? Mapili ka siguro, 'no?
Me: Hindi po. Wala pong lumapit sa 'kin. Natatakot po yata.
Mang E: Eh ano bang hinahanap mo sa lalaki?
Me: Mabait po.
Mang E: Mabait lang? Eh di pwede na yung basta nakatayo lang dyan. Mabait sila e, walang ginagawa.
Me: (napangiti sa corny joke niya hehe) Yung nagtatrabaho at nagsusumikap naman po.
Mang E: Oo, tama. Huwag ka ding maghanap ng guwapo.
Me: Kasi baka lalaki pala ang hanap imbes na babae?
Mang E: Isa yun. 'yung mga guwapo kasi, madalas ay mataas din ang standard nila. Bukod don ay may mga maloloko at o kaya naman maraming chicks na aaligid sa mga yan. Marami kang kaagaw. Lagi kang magseselos. Pero hindi naman 'yung pangit ang piliin mo. 'yung presentable namang tignan.
Me: (Napapangiti at tumango) Hindi naman po ako naghahanap ng guwapong-gwapo. Baka maloko silang lahat.
Mang Ed: Hindi naman lahat, maloko. Kaming mga lalaki e nakakaramdam din ng pagkabog ng dibdib. Kapag nakikita namin yung gusto namin, naku, kinakabahan na. At saka, kami, minsan, nawawalan kami ng lakas ng loob na sabihin sa babae na gusto namin sila lalo na kapag nararamdaman naming walang pagasa. Ah, 'yun pala ang di dapat. kasi dapat kung gusto e hinihintay 'yan. At saka lalaki kami, dapat kami ang lumalapit at naghihintay. Kaya hwag kang unang magpapakita ng motibo sa mga lalaki.
Me: Opo, hindi po. (tawa) May alam po ako sa ganyang ugali ng mga lalaki.. Naka-experience na ko ng ganyan. (kwento ng experience)

And I won't tell you my personal experience. LOL. haha Because of that conversation, medyo nagka-ideya lang ako sa feelings ng mga lalaki. Anyway, we were all human beings. Nagkakamali. Nakakaramdam. Nasasaktan.

Talk about love and relationship. May inspiration na ko. :)

The "writer mode", Rhoma Reyes, Signing off. ^_^

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