THIS IS LIFE

I hate being called as KSP. Because really, I don't understand kung bakit naiisip nila iyon, samantalang halos ipagdasal ko nga sa bawat sandali na huwag sana akong mapansin masyado dahil sa isa akong introvert phlegmatic. At ako pa ngayon ang maarte just because i couldn't drink? Nakakaasar lang, kasi alam ko sa sarili ko na HINDI ako maarte. HINDI. Ang ugali ko, basta kung saan masaya ang isang tao, kahit labag sa kalooban ko, ginagawa ko without thinking of my own happiness. Okay lang sa akin ang madumihan, maarawan. Because that's how an introvert phlegmatic persons do. hayyyyy.... Nakakapagod talagang makisama minsan... pero that's life...

Bakasyon :D

For the first time for the last four months, nakapagpahinga din ng matagal-tagal.. Precious three days! Ang saya lang. So, update update din ng blog kapag may time :)

So, what's new in my life? I started to play guitar. Well... masakit siya sa daliri. I already have calluses on my fingertips. HUHU pero iyon raw ang magiging patunay na guitar player ka na for the rest of your life kasi hindi na iyon mawawala. Haha... so, okay na din :)

I was pushed to learn how to play a guitar kasi marami sa mga katrabaho ko ang marunong maggitara. HEHE In short, naiingit. CHOS. I really find it cool when they play a song in acoustic guitar. Sabi ko, gusto ko ding matuto. hehe... so... ayun, bumili ako ng gitara ko. (nagpasama pa ako sa isang guitar expert na katrabaho ko para lang makabili). Kahit papaano nakakatugtog na ako. :)

Mahirap lang pala yung magpalit-palit ng chords kapag mabilis yung song and ang hirap ng hindi open chords. Kapag inipit ko yung mga strings walang tunog na lumalabas! haha... next time na lang ang plucking. Nahihirapan nga akong magstrum habang kumakanta e. ang hirap pala! haha.. dami kong iniintindi like yung fretting, paglipat ng chords, pagstrum, tapos lyrics ng kanta. Hirap isipin ang mga iyon all at once! haha.. i guess i need more practice....

Things You Should Realize In Your Early 20's :D

Midlife crisis sucks, right? I know some people are experiencing this, including me. I have read many articles about midlife crisis, but I just still didn't get it. Or maybe I'm just too dense and innocent in real life to get it. *sarcastic laugh* Oh, but anyway, the important is, I have some realization that I just want to share. So, please grab a chair, sit back and relax (if you're not sitting) and... Well, just freakin' read this. Hindi ko kayo pinipilit, a. Medyo lang.

And oh, please realize that what written in this article are all in my opinion. Please don't dispute and sue me for I have the right to express my opinion, right?

Alrighty then, let's do this!

1.  You Take Charge In Your Life. It's YOUR LIFE Anyway.
• Do whatever you want, live your life as you want it to be. Do not be too conscious just because you feel that people always watch your actions. They are, don't worry, and they will always be. Kahit ano namang gawin mo, may sasabihin at sasabihin sila sa `yo, so why bother to impress them, right? You may:

1. Like, throw a folded paper in your co-worker's face when they're teasing you (or making fun of you) without thinking what they think of you since they started it. Ganti lang, `di ba? (Oh, well, that feels… LOL).
2. Sing a song aloud that everyone can hear your "Golden Voice" even in early morning.  Gisingin mo ang mga kapit-bahay mo. Malay mo, ma-discover ka pa sa The Voice, `di ba?
3.  Compliment a person or tell a person if you hate him/her, then tell them why and give them a quick punch in their faces. (joke lang sa huling part :) )

In short, do what you love. But, in the end, remember that you're the one who is full responsible in all your actions. Don't ever blame someone if you feel miserable in the end, okay?

2. Travel. Like a LOT.- Save money for travel, unless you want some kind of a walkathon from North Luzon to South Luzon. Maawa naman kayo sa sarili niyo. Sabi nga, it's better to invest in experience than luxurious things. Yayain ang mga kaibigang HINDI KJ. Anyone who wants to travel too. When you asked all your buddies and they all refused, end of the friendship na. Joke. Then learn to enjoy travelling alone, kahit "All by myself" ang drama mo.

3. Discover A New Hobby
Do something you wanted to do but at some point, you didn't had the chance to do because… wala lang, hindi mo lang nagawa because you lack passion. Do you agree that maybe this is the right time to have passion on doing things that you're not used to do? If your answer is yes, okay, next number.
Pero siyempre, joke lang 'yun. How about learning to play a musical instrument? A guitar, maybe? Piano, drums, cello, harp, trumpet… whatever. Or start to read non-fiction or fiction books. Get high in K-POP. Do cosplay. Hmm… What do you, think?

4. Bring Back Past Hobby

Contradicting to the previous number? You get that right. If you had a hobby once upon a time and you suddenly lost interest with it, maybe its time to bring it back.

5. Don't Compete to Someone Who Seems More Successful to their Career Even They Younger Than You or Same Age As You to the point that You're being obsessed and pushy.

Everyone is different in their own ways. Iba-ibang kaalaman, iba-ibang diskarte. Many people compare Juan to Pedro and vise versa even their passion and traits are not fully alike. But forget those close minded people who just wanted to criticize you for your lack of some traits that they saw on the other. Just be yourself. Also, do not compare yourself to others. Do not push yourself too much. You know your limits. Just enjoy whatever shit you're doing and learn from it. Contentment is always the key to happiness. Someday you will ask yourself, "Why didn't I did this in my twenties?" Regrets can hunt you for the rest of your fucking life. Sabi nga, do not hurry your growth.
Happiness is enjoying the flowers along the way-- not in getting the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

6. Realize that You Are Not a One Day Millionaire After Getting a Job.

I don’t know you and how you spend all your money, but having a job doesn't mean you will become a millionaire, rich and luxurious all of a sudden. Be realistic in your financial status. You couldn't just decide that "I want to buy this, I want to buy that" when you're money salary is lower than that one little tiny piece of expensive shit you just want to buy because that thing will make you feel pretty cool and popular. Stop that thinking, dude, or else you'll be financially broke and make your life miserableeeeeeee…

All I know is this. Once you got a job, you should take charge in all your finances and don't fucking ask for money to your parents, brothers or sisters… or your friends! Mahiya naman kayo sa balat niyo. Budget your finances. Or instead, give percent of your salary to your family. Mas maganda, `di ba? Mabait na bata! Always expect to be financially broke at the end of the month kung may pinaglalaanan naman talaga kayo. Pero mas maganda, may savings ka.

7. Schedule Family Time.
Visit your grand mother/ grand father's place together with family sometime and take charge of the expenses. Minsan lang naman. Huwag kuripot pagdating sa mga family gatherings. Family will be the last one to be there for you when no one else would, anyway…

8. Enjoy Opposite Sex's Company.

Okay. Awkward topic for me (since NBSB nga ako LOL), but let me bring this topic once and for all. The title doesn't mean you have to have a relationship in every girl/guy you meet. It's okay to flirt, yes, but do it in a most "conservative" and respectful way as possible. You don't want to end up with someone who didn't respect you as a person.  If you're in a relationship, just don’t. DON'T.  Don’t flirt with other person aside from your partner. Baka ako pa sisihin niyo, ha.

This is applicable for singles out there. Don't flirt  if you're not interested to that person. Well magulo ba? My point is, NEVER ever make a girl/guy fall for you if you don't have the intention of falling for them too. Huwag PAASA, dude.

9. Be Health Conscious.

• It's not about "Shit! I think I'm getting fat. My Crush/Girlfriend/Boyfriend wouldn't like me anymore if I'm fat. Maybe It's time to get my ass out of the house and do some jogging for at least 10km… But nah, that's just too tiring, I would just stay in the house and not eat for like maybe a… week or month?"

Sige, try mo lang. Pinapatay mo ang sarili mo sa ganyang kaisipan. Do you know the term, "Balance Diet"? Then try to search for it in google. Hindi ko na ie-elaborate. Magre-research din muna ako. He-he-he.

10. Always Make Time to God.

• In the end, it's HIM who will not judge us for our flaws and all, no matter what. The One who's always there to listen to our rants in life and wishes… even when we are selfish, and bad and all. Make time for HIM once in a while in your busy life and read some Godly articles. Don't forget to Thank Him all the time.

So that's it. Hindi ko sinasabing nagagawa ko ang lahat ng ito. As a matter of fact, I just realized this all of a sudden. So since I wrote this, I should start to adopt this as well. Thank you for reading!

by Skye Reyes :D

Saturday Madness

Its saturday! I should be happy but i feel like its just one busy day... kasi naman, wala na akong pahinga nito. Magsstart na akong magreview sa plumbing.. and I really want to take MP kasi sa susunod, magiging course na siya. Hayy... i only have 2 months to review. kayanin ko kaya? waaaaaaa.... bahala na. Avoid distractions, especially... thinking about him. Tama na, okay? Stop na. Aabalahin ko na lang ang sarili ko sa pagrereview...

:(

Dear Blogspot,

I don't know why i feel like my heart is being twisted and squeezed. LITERALLY. Is it because that I found out that he liked someone (and courting her) and he said he didn't want to commit the same mistake he did in his past relationship. I'm sorry for ranting at this early morning, but it really hurts. I... I... don't know what to feel anymore aside from being hurt, and what hurts the most is i have to pretend that everything is okay. that everything is normal. But hey, i gotta go. Toolbox meeting na namin...

Fallin...

I'm falling with him so fast and hard. How can i stop this feeling when i see him every second, minute, hour of the day, 6 days a week, 24 hours a day. How???? I'm starting to care for him of how he was doing, if he's okay or not, if he's on a good mood, or not... etc. But the truth hurts that I'm not that beautiful for him (damn self pity) and he was still trapped in his past. Wala akong panama sa dati niya. I'm sad when he seemed hurt because of his past relationship, kapag bumabanat siya na tila may malamig na kung ano sa puso niya. Oh, 'di ba ang drama? If I could only say that I'm just here for him, and we could be happy if he would just see me as a different person... not a boyish lady engineer hanging around them. I could dress like a lady if he want to... well, just a bit, I couldn't give up my rubber shoes and jeans. LOL. Anyway, as i was saying... ano nga bang sinasabi ko?.....

How on earth i could concentrate when we were alone in our room and he's singing? Ganda ng boses :) One of the things about him that made me fall-- Am I really...? Kauuwi lang naming dalawa galing site. Ayun, napapakanta na lang din ako. hehehe

Ala eh! Kainan na :)

Last tuesday evening, we went to Rosario, Batangas para makipamiyesta sa aming minamahal na Project Manager. We took off delayed because operations was still busy for the scheduled concrete pouring that night. After the concrete pouring at RWPS slab was settled, umalis na kami pero naiwan si Field Engineer. Dalawang oras yata ang biyahe namin papunta.

Siyempre, ang ganda ng bahay ni PM (Project Manager)! Aba'y kasarap siguro tumira sa ganong bahay. HAHA... Anyway, the house was beautiful, ofcourse, the food was also fantastic! haha... ang sarap no'ng paborito kong ube at macaroni salad.

Nakaubos ako ng dalawang can ng san mig light (ang paborito kong inumin kapag inuman time na). Kanta lang yata ako ng kanta sa videoke at kain ng kain ng macaroni, mangga at saging. Grabe 'yang issue sa saging na 'yan! Pati ba naman paraan ng pagkain, talagang binigyan ng malisya. HAHA... Kaloka talaga tong mga taong ito... Hanggang sa makauwi kami at kinabukasan pagkatapos ng fiesta,hindi pa rin nalilimutan kung paano ko pinutol ang saging (kasi mahaba masyado, mahirap isubo.) HAHAHA

Masaya! Sana, maulit muli :)

Happy Fiesta, Sir NRV! ^_^

From the top left, Ma'am lilian, me, Nikko

Top right: Sir Nat, PIC, Ma'am Claire

Bottom right: Mang Ricky :)

Petiks time :)

Gaya ng nakasaad sa aking title, petiks kami... kahapon. AFTER WORKING HOURS. LOL We were like children when we went out to mini amusement park inside a certain mall. Sumakay ng mini kart at nagkarerahan, nag-basketball at kumanta sa videoke (iyong nasa labas, para rinig ng ibang tao haha!). Kanya-kaniya lang ng trip, ano? HAHA After that, umalis na rin kami. Baka kasi dumating si PIC (Project-In-Charge) galing operational meeting sa main office at maabutang wala kami. Lagot. LOL Anyway, nandiyan na si Ma'am HOE (Head Office Engr) kaya hindi na ako ang nag-report sa meeting. Weeee! Thats why i got the chance to "kuyakoy" with my workmates after work. After working hours naman kaya ayos lang. :)

After we got home... este we arrived at the site pala, kumain na kami. Gutom ang mga bata dahil hindi kumain sa mall dahil nagtitipid. HAHA Nagantay pa raw si Field Engineer na dumating kami para kumain. Hindi kasi nakasama dahil may binabantayan sa site.

Ayun, na-relax lang ako ng bongga. Hindi gaya noong mga nakaraang week :) Ayoko na po ulit sa main office... HEHE

Picture after dinner at conference room :)

Monday Sickness

Before I go to sleep, magpo-post muna ako. LOL


Monday. I am late. Well, not late kapag ang oras ng pagpasok ang pinaguusapan, pero late sa aming toolbox meeting. HUHU hindi rin nakapag-exercise. HUHU ulit. Anyway, my day was fine.. although talagang pinakaba ako ng tinamaan ng lintik na computer kasi ayaw gumana noong una. Update2 pa kasi.

Tomorrow, I am planning to do a site visit for our accomplishments. Dapat magising pala ng maaga din kasi wala kaming tubig sa site. Unahan nito sa pagligo. uunahan ko iyong mga lalaking 'yon. AHAHA! akala nila...

Sana, magka-staff house na kami. I really, really want na matulog sa normal na higaan... Okay naman na ako dito, but you know, iba pa rin ang bahay.

And so, we ended up our day ng tumatawa na naman. Kasi naman si Sir TK, he kept on calling me "chicken" because i highlighted my hair in front, just like rouge and anna of frozen. Iba nga lang yata ang kulay ng akin. haha. Bakit kasi ganoon ang kulay? haha.. iba talaga ang malakas ang trip. Tawa lang din kami ng tawa kasi english-an kami sa baba. HAHA. Lahat, required to speak in english. Hindi ko alam, pero pare-pareho naming tinatawanan ang aming sarili. LOL

110/70. My blood pressure. Normal pa naman, pero sana naman, hindi bumaba. Grabe naman 'yan!

And so... I'm happy :)

Goodluck bukas. Mayroon akong hindi natapos na task kasi naman, nagalala talaga ako ng lubusan sa laptop ko. Pero okay na siya ngayon :)

A Letter

*listening to "Ni Yao De Ai" (F4) sikat kasi ngayon ang Meteor Garden. *

Dear Mr. Whoever-You-Are,

I'm sorry but I just couldn't stop myself from noticing you. The first time I saw you, I hated you. Lagi mo kasi akong inaasar sa hindi ko malamang dahilan. Naroon ang mga pabirong suntukan at asaran. I never thought we could be as close as this until that one summer night. After saying your deepest secret to me, I feel like a special person in your life. From then on, I started to hope... that someday I could replace "her" in your life... in your heart. Ang sabi mo, maghahanap ka na lang ng iba. Sana hindi ka na lang maghanap ng iba, hindi mo ba ako nakikita? I'm just here. There. At your back. Nakikita mo na ba ako? Kasi ikaw, ang laki mong hambalang sa harap ko-- sa puso ko. Paano pa ako makakakita ng iba?

I'm sorry for hoping that you would see me as a different person in your life someday. I'm sorry for... Masaya naman ako sa kung anong trato mo sa akin ngayon.

Akala ko, masaya na ako. Hindi pala. I couldn't help but to hope for more. I couldn't help but to look at you. I couldn't help but to smile when you sing to me. Do you know you have a very cold yet warm voice?  I couldn't help but to look at those mysterious eyes who seemed to be happy outside but a true blue loner inside. I couldn't help to fall... Are you ready to catch me?

Please don't make me feel and hope that its possible. No it's not. I know it's impossible. Pero umaasa pa rin ako. Nakakapagod mang umasa, pero pagdating sa `yo, hinding-hindi ako mapapagod. Sa dami dami ng pinagdaanan ko, You're worth all the pain I've experienced and the time I've waited.

I couldn't remember the last time I felt this kind of feeling. Simula noong kaarawan ko, nakaramdam ako ng pagkukulang sa sarili ko. Nakamit ko na raw ang mga gusto kong makamit. But it seems like there was still an empty space here... in my heart. Ikaw pala 'yon...

I love you.

There, i said it. Alam kong huli na, pero at least nalaman mo.

This is a letter i want you to read after a year. Nasa tabi mo man ako sa mga panahong iyan, just don't forget that all of the words i wrote was true. Ano't-ano man ang sitwasyon natin ngayon, umaasa akong magkikita pa rin tayo. Sana...


Love,
Ms. Anonymous


Pangnobela lang. HAHAHA. Wala kasing magawa. Matutulog na nga ako! Last day bukas, then bakasyon naaaaaaaaaa! Ang saya :)

Before Dropping Off to Bed

Before Dropping off to Bed, gusto ko lang magsulat ng blog entry. :)

Sa totoo lang, I'm so lucky na magkaroon ng mga masasayang kasama sa site. Although lahat kami ay stressed sa work, nakukuha pa rin naming tumawa. HAHAHA gaya nito. HAHAHAHA

Baliw lang ano? Naku, malapit na naman ang Opcen. Makatawa pa kaya ako nito? Ako na naman ang magrereport, and this time, ako na din gagawa ng power point. Kaya ko 'to! aja!

HAPPY AUDIT DAY :)

The result of the external Audit last wednesday was exemplary! Nakakatuwa kasi pinaghirapan talaga namin na ma-accomplish lahat ng mga dokumento para sa audit na iyon. Everybody was in festive mood after the audit. One of the unforgettable days of my life. Kasi for the first time, na-acknowledge lahat ng pinaghirapan ko... although i still need to improve as an Office Engineer, at least i learned how to be a Site Document Controller. Nakakatuwa ^_^

Wala kaming celebration the night of the day ng audit. (take note: when you say celebration, inuman ang ibig sabihin no'n :P) hehehe... Wala kasi iyong project manager namin, tapos nagkaproblema sa budget kasi may nadisgrasyang kung ano tapos iyong pang-inom ay doon napunta. haha! Oo, naghihirap din (madalas ang mga inhinyero.) Pero natuloy naman ang "celebration" the night after the day ng audit... Kagabi.

It was also one of the unforgettable moment of my life! First time kong uminom ng madami tapos nagsuka pa ako no'ng papatulog na. Nakarating pa naman ako ng CR, thank goodness. Ang nangyari kasi, ako pa ang ginawa nilang dahilan para magaya ng inuman. HAHA! "Broken Hearted" daw kasi ako.

I have no choice kundi ikuwento ang walang kakulay-kulay na lovelife ko. Kung paano ako umasa sa isang taong hindi naman kayang suklian ang pagtingin ko. NAKS! ang lalim. xD Ang mga walanghiya, gusto pa akong pagawan ng nobela tungkol sa project namin, iyon daw ang gawin kong setting. Waaaa! Kaya ko kaya? Kapag gusto, may paraan. Maybe i'll work it out sa mahal na araw. :)


Hosiya i gotta go folks. ^_^

SABON

Dumating na ang araw na pinangangambahan ko. HAHA! The Auditors visited our Site office to see if we are implementing all of the documentations according to ISO Audit checklists and churvaness requirements nila.... haha

Ayun, as a site DCC controller- slash- Office Engineer- Slash- QC documentator, natuliro ako at nasabon. Ewannnnnnnn. Hindi talaga ako magaling sa pagoorganize ng mga bagay-bagay... huhuhu i can organize my things pero ang maraming papeles? Mag-aadjust muna siguro ako. Ang daming procedures na mali ang pagkkakaintindi ko. Noong nag-orient sila, hindi ko alam ang itatanong ko kasi i have no fucking idea what are the requirements at pasikot-sikot sa ISO procedures... So as the time passed by, dumadating ang date ng audit (internal), tapos binasa ko yung procedures... Malil pala ang mga pagkakaintindi ko.

Sabon na sabon ako. Mali ang process ko lalo na sa pagdidistribute ng mga Working drawings sa site. Wala akong evidence na naibigay ko (kung tama ba iyon o mali) at kung nareceive na nila. hayyyyyyyyy.... Nahihirapan ako kasi ako mismo, hindi ako maayos. Kumbaga, ung parte ng utak ko para sa organization ng mga bagay2 ay hindi gumagana. LOL. waaaaaaaaaa!

Kanina, gusto ko ng umiyak habang kumakain... pero pigil lang... ang hina ko naman di ba?

nahihiya ako sa mga boss ko. hindi ako efficient worker. Hindi ako magaling. hindi flexible. Tiwala pa naman si PM (project manager) kaya inassign niya ako as site dcc kahit na OE na din ako...

hayyyyy sorry po... sabi ko sa isip ko, if they'll fire me right ahead, tatanggapin ko na lang ng buong puso. xD

What now?

I... I don't know why I'm like this. No'ng magpaulan si papa God ng common sense, wala yata akong nasalo no'n. Pati kaunting pag-unawa sa mga simpleng instructions. Bakit nga ba ako ganito? Masyado akong mali-mali sa lahat ng bagay.  Sa lahat. If I can undo all of the things that I did the previous hours, weeks, months, years... i will start all over again. I'm starting to realize that this isn't the life i used to think. Napaka-hirap pala nitong propesyong napili ko. Lagi kong pinalalakas ang sarili ko na kaya ko ito. Pero most of the time, hindi ko na kaya maski ang kampihan ang sarili ko na okay lang 'yan...

What now? Maybe, the reason why i feel down like this today is that... i realize that i'm not enough for this profession. I mean, hindi yata kaya ng level ng utak ko ang umunawa pa ng maraming bagay. Kumbaga sa isang USB or external drive sa computer, not enough memory na. *sigh*

Simple lang naman din kasi ang mga instructions sa akin na may kinalaman sa propesyon ko kung tutuusin. Iyon lang, masyado ko iyong pinalalalim hanggang sa lumayo na ako sa katotohanan. Sabi ko nga, wala akong common sense. ang hirap pala ng walang ganun. hahahahaha

Minsan, sa sobrang makakalimutin ko, naiisip kong may stage two Alzheimer's disease na ako. Mayroon nga ba? Para kasing hindi na normal. hahaha!

Nakaraos naman ako sa limang taong pagaaral, nakapasa sa board exam at at natanggap sa malaking construction company. Ang tanong ko lang sa sarili ko, ano'ng nangyari? Bakit pakiramdam ko, grade one ako sa trabahong pinasukan ko?

Dahil ba baguhan lang ako? I am now working for 7 months. mage-8 months na nga e. nakakahiya lang sa mga boss. hayyyyy.. :(

I made up my mind that if i'm still like this for the next two months, maybe its time to quit...

I know, quitting means I'm a loser. Loser na kung loser, but i need to find out my strenght sa ibang gawain. I need to...

Okay, this entry will be deleted after two months. Kailangan ko lang matyagan ang sarili ko. xD


-Skye Reyes

My Life

During my childhood days, i pictured my life as a big portrait image. Meaning, i really have many dreams in my life, and i do still have as of now. But when i was a child, i never, ever, thought that this would be the life i'm going through. I'm not saying that I my life sucks, but i used to picture a perfect life with my family and career. As the time goes by, i realized that life wasn't easy. I grew older and developed my own personality. I'm not a sunny-sunshine-smiling-carefree girl, but a be-serious-do-your-best-and-work-hard girl. I do care about all the things that people expect me to be.

Wrong. It's so hard to live people's expectations, i just want to be my self. I'm not a perfect person. If i have a goal, i work really, really, hard for it. It's not easy for me to reach any goal no matter how small or big it is, always the same. I'm not really an excellent person and i don't think why some people think I am. Being a certified slow learner, i don't get things at first time. Maybe because of my profession? Not all Civil engineers are smart in all things. I am not smart in math. I actually suck in arithmetic. The reason why i survived my profession, all i can say is that, its just a matter of practice and pure determination. And FAITH in HIM. When you started to do things over and over, you'll get used to it. Its always hard in the beginning...

It's always hard in the beginning, i knew that. Now that i started to work, its really hard. The pressure and expectations to pick up every single thing that i should know about my work really, really, SUCK. As I said earlier, I'm not a fast learner. I feel bad because i lifted up myself that much during the interview. If i told them that i am a slow learner, would they hire me? But I can say I work hard when i feel there is a need to do it. I like in-the-nick of time pressures. Give me a deadline, and make sure that what i do is really important, i will do it.

I do procrastinate a lot. When i feel that there is no important task to finish, i act in slowly-but-"surely" way. LOL That's what i hate about myself. Being slow in all new thingssssssss...Lately I've been told that i should finish all the task that was given to me within the day even if its not important... Okay, now i know.

I used to work hard. It's just a matter if motivation. I always like to be motivated. During my review and school days, my professors and instructors used to motivate us. I admit, it is one of the reasons why i am here, practicing my profession.

New to work environment, i didn't expect it to be this... hard. Working in six months? But i still feel new to the environment. It is really hard to earn money. LOL Hard to please people and lack of motivation. You should get things at first, true because what people would get to you if they'll teach you what to do even if you have no idea about how and why things are being done? *sigh* I come to realize that theory is way far from actual.


In the end, i just want to say... I wish to do things that people don't expect me to do-- without giving a fuck.

Its been a long time...

Yeah, its been a long time since i wrote a blog post. its been a loooonggggg time! LOL again? anyway, i just dropped by to wrote a very short note.

I miss writing here, though i used to write a diary entry on my phone's note but i don't get the chance to upload it here. sooo... what's new about me?

lately, i've realized im thinking too much. I cant help it. i don't know, but i used to think a lot of things in just one person's actions. I think people around me don't like me. I think I am not a worthy person. I think i do not deserve what i have right now. I think i am not intelligent enough for my career. I think... when I die, no one will even notice.

So much to think about, right?

I know, I know. you can scold me now for being so pessimist and all.

For the first time in my life, i want to experience the feeling of not thinking what people will say behind my every actions.


Just saying.


:)