To The Man I Love Unexpectedly

Loving you is like my greatest addiction.

I think of you almost every day, every hour, every minute and every second. A year with you made my life more meaningful. You are my bestfriend, protector, confidante, mentor, partner-in-crime, my special someone… someone who loves the way I dress, I smile, I laugh, I sneez… all of it-- goodness and flaws. I am myself when I'm with you. I can be stubborn, silent or even shout when I'm having a hard time. I mostly love the feeling with your arms, wrapped around me… or your soft kiss in my forehead and nose when I lay in your lap. I enjoyed those quiet moments with you even we're not talking and just sittin' on the couch watching tv… I think those were the most quality time of being with you. I will always love you no matter what-- even in your worst times. I couldn't imagine my life without you. I will continue to give you love whatever I can, wherever I am… because I love you very much.

Lost

I am finding a new job.

Deym it. What do i really want in my life?

I feel like I'm freakin' lost.

But anyway, its not as bad as it seems... I'm taking it slow. But i should note to my self that I'll be broke by April if i'll pass my resignation this upcoming March. Hayy...

Maybe you're asking, 'Why are you leaving? I thought you love your job..."

I thought too... It's just there were a lot of things that pushed me to quit.

First is the financial. I wanted to save. I wanted to travel. But at my current "professional pay" right now is not working anymore. Yes, i am thrifty. But it's not enough anymore. Next month, I'll pay for water bills, internet bills, yaya bills (which is yung paglalaba lang naman ang need ko, tapos bibili pa daw ng washing machine.) Its. Not. Enough. Anymore.

Second, I look on practicality. After ten years, I want to earn as much as i have to for my future family and all. I want to give my future children the life that they deserve. At this point, I'm deciding which career path do I really want. Yes, I have explored enough. And I know what i really want. To be in construction industry. Construction is challenging but I can manage. I am not interested on how much success i would attain in terms on my career, but on how I'll be happy in my life in the future.

Third is my "job". As much as I wanted to be a hydrologist, i don't think it's happy anymore. In my definition of happy kasi, 'yung masaya ka sa ginagawa mo, at masaya ka kasama ng mga katrabaho mo, masaya ka sa boss mo, masaya ka sa kompaniya mo. Well, andaming wala sa current job ko. 'yun lang masaya ako sa ginagawa ko. I have friends in my company, but the others seemed distant. I don't know why. Maybe because they're too smart? LOL. Baka hinahanap ko pa din `yung dating samahan namin ng dati kong trabaho. Masaya sa "Boss"? Well, professionally speaking, i respect our boss, he's a young SVP/Project Manager of the company.  But i think he lacks passion about his job and the people he's handling. In my own opinion, when you're a boss, don't take it too personally that you're a "boss". Don't absorb it too much. Its not the world is revolving around a boss. Consideration is one of the important characteristics of a good boss. Hindi naman lahat ng 'unfortunate' events na nangyayari, kasalanan ng tao. Many factors can contribute to the scenario. Also, when you're a boss, have a sense of urgency. Huwag naman sanang maging pa-importante. Sabi nga, there's a line difference between a boss and a leader.

My job description was a hydrologist, not a project coordinator. Okay lang naman kung may proper direction. Eh wala. Magulo. Ako pa naman `yung kapag alam kong kailangan ng atensiyon ang trabaho gusto ko natatapos agad. Pero kung ayaw makipag-cooperate ng isa, ano'ng mangyayari? Tsssss...

I have high respect from him. But it is all gone.

Good thing is that I'm thinking of finding another job again. Salamat at dahil sa 'boss' ko na yon ay nakapagdecide na ako na baka ang paga-abroad ang para sa akin.

Also, i still don't have a contract to my company after it expired last January. I mean, what the...f???

Many reasons pushed me.

And can I push myself too?


I have dreams for my future. For our future. Yes. For our future.

Signing off,

Amohr

When you Really Love Someone

This is a draft post written last year (Feb 2015)

What is love?

Love. Love is a very deep, unexplainable feeling of being mentally, emotionally and physically attached to someone who suddenly became part of your system without realizing it. No matter how guard your defenses, there would be someone, somewhere, who will pass by the river or infinite oceans and seas for you. Also, it is really true that you'll find love when you least expect it... 

Okay, tama na ang drama. Kasi naman! February na naman, ayan tuloy. Kung ano-ano naiisip ko. HAHA...

Anyway, i haven't posted on my blog since forever so mag-uupdate lang.

Paano ko ba sasabihin 'to.. For the first time, i feel excited about Valentine's day. For the first time, hindi na ako nakakaramdam ng bitterness kapag nakakakita ako ng couples (LOL). For the first time, naghihintay ako sa mensahe o tawag ng isang tao.

-me, February 2, 2015

What really is love.

Love. When you really love someone.

When you really love someone, it's not about "Valentines' day" or special love day para ipakita mo na mahal mo ang partner mo. When you really love someone, kagigising mo pa lang sa umaga, excited ka na. Hindi dahil magkikita kayo o may date kayo, but the thought of the overwhelming feeling when you realize another day had passed, but the feelings... lalong tumitindi, lalo mo siyang minamahal kahit kisame ang makita mo at hindi siya sa unang pagmulat ng mga mata mo sa umaga.

When you really love someone, its really hard to remember how you really lived the past years without him/her. Hindi naman dahil nakatuon na ang buong mundo mo sa kaniya, o palagi mo siyang kasama ngayon, kundi dahil sa kaniya mo naramdaman ang kakaibang saya at tunay na pag-ibig na hindi mo nararamdaman noon. Yes, you really lived without him/her for as long as you remember, but you were never really complete until he/she came along.

When you really love someone, you wanted to suceed in life. You wanted to have a good life in the future... with him/her. Nakikita mo na ang taong ito na kasama mo habang buhay. Naniniwala kasi ako, kapag pumasok ka sa relasyon, hindi ka na dapat magpaligoy-ligoy pa. Ang goal dapat sa pakikipagrelasyon ay ang long-term togetherness and happiness.

When you really love someone, you want him/her to be happy. Gusto mong matupad ang mga pangarap niya-- kung iyon ang ikaliligaya niya. Mas inuuna mo ang kaligayahan niya sa kaligayahan mo.

When you really love someone, sometimes you'll be at loss in words, but what you really want to say is how much you love him/her. Wala kasing katumbas na salita ang pagmamahal mo sa isang tao. Ako, may may mga pagkakataon na sinasabi ko ang "i love you" sa kaniya ng paulit-ulit pero pakiramdam ko kulang pa ang salitang iyon sa nararamdaman ko. It's just... no words can explain how much i love him :)

Kaya wala na akong maisulat ito. Ang dami kasi... :D

Wala na namang magawa.


Sorry, another post about love again <3 p="">
-Amohr

May Forever

Dahil kapapanood ko lang ng pelikula na ang title ay kabaligtaran ng title ng blogpost na ito, magpo-post ako ng thoughts ko about doon :)

At since wala namang nagbabasa ng blog ko, de good. ^_^

Hayyyyyy.. Walang Forever. Ang sabi sa movie, kapag daw tinanong mo ang isang tao at isinagot sayo ay 'May forever', nakahanda pang tanggapin ng taong iyon ang mahal niya. Kung 'Walang forever', handa na itong mag-let go sa taong minamahal niya. No wonder naniniwala ako sa "may forever'. I will hold on to him as long as I can, as long as I love him...

I can imagine kung paano magmahal si Mia kay Ethan at Ethan kay Mia... Kakakilig ang bawat eksena na magkasama sila. Natural na natural ang pag-arte.

I can say na based on true relationships lahat ng iyon. Totoo naman talagang minsan may 'walang forever' drama sa ating mga relasyon, But you should fight if you know its worth it. Sa tuwing mag-aaway kayo, please lang, think of all the good times rather than bad times. Ofcourse, dapat maraming good times kayo.

May na-miss ako sa movie na 'yan. Alam niyo na. HAHA. Ganoon kami magkulitan. Kagaya ni Mia, kinukulit-kulit ko ang boyfriend ko kapag engrossed siya sa nilalaro niyang games sa cellphone o kaya naman, concentrated masyado sa pinapanood sa tv. Kinakagat-kagat ko, niyayakap ko sa likod, para lang maagaw ko ang atensiyon niya, Magagagalit-galitan, tapos ihihilig na niya ako sa lap niya or sa balikat niya. Hayyyyyy. Kakilig magka-bf. LOL

Ugali no'n kapag nangungulit ng lambing, niyayakap ako ng mahigpit, saka aamuy-amuyin yung buhok ko. tapos kiss sa noo. Hayyy.. I love sundays.... I miss him agad...

Travelling Together Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

Natutuwa ako kasi ako lang mag-isa ang nagbi-view ng blog ko :) at least wala akong naiimpluwensiyahan ng mga kalokohan ko sa buhay.

Anyway, I'm starting a new blog-- a travel blog. I love to travel. Pero sa edad kong ito (almost at my quarter life), kakaunti pa lang ang napupuntahan ko. I've been so busy in my life back then, you know-- studies, board exam, work, work and work. Pero since nagsstart na akong makaipon (at nag-iipon) once in a while I plan out of town vacation. Siyempre, gusto ko naman kasama si boyfie para may taga dala ako ng gamit. LOL. joke. Hindi, para masaya :)

And so we have Anawangin vacation for 2 days and 1 night this weekends. I'm sooo excited! I love it when we travel together kahit may mga kasama kaming friends.

Sabi nila, mas tumitibay daw ang relasyon kapag nagta-travel. Well, siguro nga. Marami rin akong nadiscover na qualities niya habang kasama ko siya.

So here are some of his qualities that i realize while we travel together (with some chaperones-- este friends pala. Joke lang guyssssssssss :))

1. He's invincible

Para siyang nagsusuot ng invincible coat pag naghahanapan na kami kung saang lugar kami magkikita. LOL. At palagi talaga kaming nagtatalo sa lugar na pagkikitaan namin. Hindi niya alam kung nasaan ako, hindi ko rin alam kung nasaan siya. And we will meet halfway. At kapag nagkita na kami, kakagatin ko lang siya sa braso, okay na kami. HAHA

2. He's willing to spend money as long as we're comfortable, however, he's really a frugal man.

Galante siya basta komportable kami sa trip. Pero sa totoo lang, matipid siya. Sa madaling salita, kung gagastos siya, dapat 'yung worth it ng perang gagastusin niya. 

3. He does not like to travel

Ayaw niyang mag-travel, pero dahil sinasama ko siya, nararamdaman kong unti-unti rin niya iyong nagugustuhan. Isa pa, kahit na pilit lang ang pagsama niya, pagdating sa place na pupuntahan namin, para siyang bata na enjoy na enjoy sa mga views. I love looking at him like he's a child. haha

4. He's very patient

I remember those times that we were in Sagada going to Baguio, sumama talaga ng bongga ang tiyan ko. Siyempre, unang hahanapin-- CR! Matiyaga niya akong sinasamahan maghanap ng CR at bumili ng gamot sa napakalayong botika, imbes na sumama magtour at mamitas ng mga stawberries. One time also, we joined our family swimming in Subic, i had my "friend" that very first day, my uterus is really hurting (uterus talaga?) hahaha Wala siyang magawa kundi samahan ako. HAHA I feel very loved that time. hashtag heart heart #<3 div="">

5. He's excited and adventurous

Ang mokong, kunyari pang ayaw magtavel-travel, pero kapag nandoon na sa lugar na pupuntahan, aba, mauuna na sa ilog para magswimming (puerto galera timesss), hindi man lang inisip na hindi ako marunong lumangoy. Anyway, nagtampo ako sa kaniya that time. LOL. He also likes to jump off the water and swimmm (cliff jumping at Hundred islands). He likes to walk around the beach before swimming. He likes to climb mountains and explore caves (Sagada).

6. He like heights

He likes heights because i hate it. Haha Takot ako sa heights. In short, he love what i hate. Nang-aasar lang, gano'n. Gusto niyang sumakay ng Extreme (rides in Enchanted Kingdom), but nah, NO. Gusto niyang mag-Anchor's Away, todo tanggi ako. Ayaw ko na. Hahaha I also remember when we were in Tagaytay, takot akong sumakay sa zip line, panay pilit ng mokong. Siyempre, hindi ako nagpapilit. takot ako, e. Instead, we went to this huge ferris wheel, and I was like "Sure! Safe naman sa loob". Pero nakakalula pa rin pala. But then, I was amazed at the view, so i forgot my fear of heights kahit na kapit na kapit pa rin ako sa pole. Ang nakaka-touch lang, nagkunwari pa ang mokong na takot din sa heights maka-yakap lang. LOL. Or, para siguro damayan ako.

7. He respects my decisions

Like i told you, there were many times-- many many times-- that i turn down his requests ('Yong mga magsakay-sakay sa kung anu-anong may kinalaman sa heights). But the thing that really gets me into him is how he respects my decisions when it comes to out itinerary and money. Kung saan ko gustong kumain, go. Kung saan ko gusto magpunta, go rin. Siyempre, pinagbibigyan ko rin naman siya sa mga desisyon niya once na magsabi siya. But since I'm the type of girl that likes to make decisions, (trust me, marami akong plano HAHA) i really appreciate the fact that he respects it. I'm so glad that he was as kind as that. hashtag heart heart #<3 div="" ulit.="">

So... Ilan lang iyan sa mga bagay na na-discover ko about him. Marami pang iba. I'll post our Anawangin adventure some other time.

Thanks for reading :'>

Love,

Amohr

It Started With an End...

Six months and a half month ago... It started with an "end". Sinamahan niya ako na magdala ng mga gamit ko sa bahay namin dahil mag-reresign na ako. "End" -- dahil nalalabi na lang ang araw na magkakasama kami. Pero ang nangyari, pinigilan niya ako. So our love story started...

Hindi ko masasabing we're the best of friends, but we're close. Close to the point na 9 months ko siyang kasama, umaga hanggang gabi, pito o anim na araw sa isang linggo (24/7), dahil nakatira kami sa iisang staff house. Yeah, technically, we started as two persons living together-- with co-workers, ofcourse. We're housemates sa bahay, you know. 

He was just simple, no complications. Hindi siya madalas maglakwatsa, madalas ay nasa staffhouse lang tuwing sundays habang kami ay umuuwi sa kaniya-kaniyang mga tahanan. Pero minsan, hindi na din ako umuuwi ng sundays dahil iyon lang ang wash day namin, "free time" para makabonding ang isa't-isa.

Kilalang-kilala ko na ang taong 'to na kahit pag-utot niya ay alam ko. Lahat. Kaya thankful din na nakilala ko siya sa paraang ganito, hindi tulad ng mga ibang magkasintahan na mga mababangong ugali muna ang ipinapakita sa isa't-isa.

Noong naging kami, mas sumaya ang mga araw ko. I never thought i could be happy with a man. Ganoon pala magmahal. Literal na may mga glitters kapag magkasama kayo... (Korni)

Time passed by, and everyday, i'm loving him more. He was like my favorite song, playing on and on in my mind. He always encircle my thoughts, kung kumusta na ang araw niya, kung nakauwi na kaya siya, nakakain na kaya siya... Yeah, it was kind of terrifying feeling of depending on someone, as much as it sounds like a paranoid person. xD But its okay, noong tinanggap ko siya, binigay ko sa kaniya ng buo ang puso ko. Kaya wala ng bawian. HAHA

Nararamdaman ko naman that he was feeling the same too because of his efforts. Bagamat madalas akong magtampo because he was not too clingy, or showy to his feelings, but the way he looked at me when he suddenly wants to look at me, it was very overwhelming. Bakit ko nga pala sinasabi na hindi siya showy? Dahil ayaw niyang nakikipagholding hands in public. LOL Basta ayaw niya ng mga intimate moment (PDA) sa public-- Which i understands. Pero kapag mainit ang ulo ko (alam niyo na kung bakit--Hormones HAHA), nagtatampo ako dahil baka kako kesyo kinahihiya ako or may ibang gf na pinagtataguan or something. But everytime na inaaway ko siya dahil doon, hahawakan na niya ang kamay ko, tatawa lang at maglalambing. Hayyy. How can I resist.....

Anyway, nasa kaniya lahat ng tiwala ko pagdating sa bagay na 'yon. He was the kind of person that i could trust. Maybe because I know how God-fearing he was.

He also introduced me to his religion and i am looking forward to be one of them. Lagi kong sinasabi na hindi dahil sa kaniya (mostly) kung bakit ako umanib sa kanila, but i really believe to what they are believing in. It was more on the enlightenment. And that was the reason why I was very thankful that God gave me him. Dahil lalo akong naging malapit sa Diyos. Lagi ko ring ipinagdarasal na patnubayan Niya ang relasyon namin.

I am happy to be with Him I couldn't ask for more. Clingy man akong girlfriend, ayos lang. Lagi kong sinasabi sa ibang mga magmamahal na maaring huwag ibigay ang buong pagmamahal mo kay "mr. right", pero that's your choice. And I chose to give all the love I could give to him so that there are no regrets later.

Sabi ko nga, "I'm gonna love you like I'm gonna lose you,"

Kanta lang.

LOL

Missing You T.T

Lagi ko naman siyang na-mimiss noon pa.

But this time, i am terribly missing him. Missing him like crazy. Like literally crazy. Kiddin'. LOL
No, to the point that when i think of him, a tear would fell down my cheeks.

We talk over phone during bedtime everyday, and once a week, we used to see each other. Pero lagi na lang na pakiramdam ko, hindi 'yon sapat. At the end of the day, of every conversation, of every last eye to eye goodbyes, i would miss him-- so much-- that i wanted to cry in sadness.

Siguro, dahil dati ay kasa-kasama ko siya sa maghapon, 24/7, seven times a week. No'ng magkatrabaho kami, sabay kami sa lahat ng bagay. Pumasok sa trabaho, kumain ng lunch, dinner, merienda, umuwi sa trabaho, magtoothbrush sa gabi, sabay na humihiga sa kaniya-kaniyang kama kapag natapos na ang araw. Hayyy. Lahat talaga ng bagay, nagbabago. Change is inevitable.

Ako naman ang lumayo, e. Pero dahil tapos na rin naman ang project namin, talagang paghihiwalayin din kami ng project. Anyway, wala naman akong regrets sa step na ginawa ko in terms of career side.

Waaa! how could I get over with him? I mean, 'yong pagka-miss ko pala. Is this really normal? LOL

I just miss him T.T

Makikinig na lang ako ng kantang "Missing you" by Bea Alonzo. LOL