Travelling Together Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

Natutuwa ako kasi ako lang mag-isa ang nagbi-view ng blog ko :) at least wala akong naiimpluwensiyahan ng mga kalokohan ko sa buhay.

Anyway, I'm starting a new blog-- a travel blog. I love to travel. Pero sa edad kong ito (almost at my quarter life), kakaunti pa lang ang napupuntahan ko. I've been so busy in my life back then, you know-- studies, board exam, work, work and work. Pero since nagsstart na akong makaipon (at nag-iipon) once in a while I plan out of town vacation. Siyempre, gusto ko naman kasama si boyfie para may taga dala ako ng gamit. LOL. joke. Hindi, para masaya :)

And so we have Anawangin vacation for 2 days and 1 night this weekends. I'm sooo excited! I love it when we travel together kahit may mga kasama kaming friends.

Sabi nila, mas tumitibay daw ang relasyon kapag nagta-travel. Well, siguro nga. Marami rin akong nadiscover na qualities niya habang kasama ko siya.

So here are some of his qualities that i realize while we travel together (with some chaperones-- este friends pala. Joke lang guyssssssssss :))

1. He's invincible

Para siyang nagsusuot ng invincible coat pag naghahanapan na kami kung saang lugar kami magkikita. LOL. At palagi talaga kaming nagtatalo sa lugar na pagkikitaan namin. Hindi niya alam kung nasaan ako, hindi ko rin alam kung nasaan siya. And we will meet halfway. At kapag nagkita na kami, kakagatin ko lang siya sa braso, okay na kami. HAHA

2. He's willing to spend money as long as we're comfortable, however, he's really a frugal man.

Galante siya basta komportable kami sa trip. Pero sa totoo lang, matipid siya. Sa madaling salita, kung gagastos siya, dapat 'yung worth it ng perang gagastusin niya. 

3. He does not like to travel

Ayaw niyang mag-travel, pero dahil sinasama ko siya, nararamdaman kong unti-unti rin niya iyong nagugustuhan. Isa pa, kahit na pilit lang ang pagsama niya, pagdating sa place na pupuntahan namin, para siyang bata na enjoy na enjoy sa mga views. I love looking at him like he's a child. haha

4. He's very patient

I remember those times that we were in Sagada going to Baguio, sumama talaga ng bongga ang tiyan ko. Siyempre, unang hahanapin-- CR! Matiyaga niya akong sinasamahan maghanap ng CR at bumili ng gamot sa napakalayong botika, imbes na sumama magtour at mamitas ng mga stawberries. One time also, we joined our family swimming in Subic, i had my "friend" that very first day, my uterus is really hurting (uterus talaga?) hahaha Wala siyang magawa kundi samahan ako. HAHA I feel very loved that time. hashtag heart heart #<3 div="">

5. He's excited and adventurous

Ang mokong, kunyari pang ayaw magtavel-travel, pero kapag nandoon na sa lugar na pupuntahan, aba, mauuna na sa ilog para magswimming (puerto galera timesss), hindi man lang inisip na hindi ako marunong lumangoy. Anyway, nagtampo ako sa kaniya that time. LOL. He also likes to jump off the water and swimmm (cliff jumping at Hundred islands). He likes to walk around the beach before swimming. He likes to climb mountains and explore caves (Sagada).

6. He like heights

He likes heights because i hate it. Haha Takot ako sa heights. In short, he love what i hate. Nang-aasar lang, gano'n. Gusto niyang sumakay ng Extreme (rides in Enchanted Kingdom), but nah, NO. Gusto niyang mag-Anchor's Away, todo tanggi ako. Ayaw ko na. Hahaha I also remember when we were in Tagaytay, takot akong sumakay sa zip line, panay pilit ng mokong. Siyempre, hindi ako nagpapilit. takot ako, e. Instead, we went to this huge ferris wheel, and I was like "Sure! Safe naman sa loob". Pero nakakalula pa rin pala. But then, I was amazed at the view, so i forgot my fear of heights kahit na kapit na kapit pa rin ako sa pole. Ang nakaka-touch lang, nagkunwari pa ang mokong na takot din sa heights maka-yakap lang. LOL. Or, para siguro damayan ako.

7. He respects my decisions

Like i told you, there were many times-- many many times-- that i turn down his requests ('Yong mga magsakay-sakay sa kung anu-anong may kinalaman sa heights). But the thing that really gets me into him is how he respects my decisions when it comes to out itinerary and money. Kung saan ko gustong kumain, go. Kung saan ko gusto magpunta, go rin. Siyempre, pinagbibigyan ko rin naman siya sa mga desisyon niya once na magsabi siya. But since I'm the type of girl that likes to make decisions, (trust me, marami akong plano HAHA) i really appreciate the fact that he respects it. I'm so glad that he was as kind as that. hashtag heart heart #<3 div="" ulit.="">

So... Ilan lang iyan sa mga bagay na na-discover ko about him. Marami pang iba. I'll post our Anawangin adventure some other time.

Thanks for reading :'>

Love,

Amohr

It Started With an End...

Six months and a half month ago... It started with an "end". Sinamahan niya ako na magdala ng mga gamit ko sa bahay namin dahil mag-reresign na ako. "End" -- dahil nalalabi na lang ang araw na magkakasama kami. Pero ang nangyari, pinigilan niya ako. So our love story started...

Hindi ko masasabing we're the best of friends, but we're close. Close to the point na 9 months ko siyang kasama, umaga hanggang gabi, pito o anim na araw sa isang linggo (24/7), dahil nakatira kami sa iisang staff house. Yeah, technically, we started as two persons living together-- with co-workers, ofcourse. We're housemates sa bahay, you know. 

He was just simple, no complications. Hindi siya madalas maglakwatsa, madalas ay nasa staffhouse lang tuwing sundays habang kami ay umuuwi sa kaniya-kaniyang mga tahanan. Pero minsan, hindi na din ako umuuwi ng sundays dahil iyon lang ang wash day namin, "free time" para makabonding ang isa't-isa.

Kilalang-kilala ko na ang taong 'to na kahit pag-utot niya ay alam ko. Lahat. Kaya thankful din na nakilala ko siya sa paraang ganito, hindi tulad ng mga ibang magkasintahan na mga mababangong ugali muna ang ipinapakita sa isa't-isa.

Noong naging kami, mas sumaya ang mga araw ko. I never thought i could be happy with a man. Ganoon pala magmahal. Literal na may mga glitters kapag magkasama kayo... (Korni)

Time passed by, and everyday, i'm loving him more. He was like my favorite song, playing on and on in my mind. He always encircle my thoughts, kung kumusta na ang araw niya, kung nakauwi na kaya siya, nakakain na kaya siya... Yeah, it was kind of terrifying feeling of depending on someone, as much as it sounds like a paranoid person. xD But its okay, noong tinanggap ko siya, binigay ko sa kaniya ng buo ang puso ko. Kaya wala ng bawian. HAHA

Nararamdaman ko naman that he was feeling the same too because of his efforts. Bagamat madalas akong magtampo because he was not too clingy, or showy to his feelings, but the way he looked at me when he suddenly wants to look at me, it was very overwhelming. Bakit ko nga pala sinasabi na hindi siya showy? Dahil ayaw niyang nakikipagholding hands in public. LOL Basta ayaw niya ng mga intimate moment (PDA) sa public-- Which i understands. Pero kapag mainit ang ulo ko (alam niyo na kung bakit--Hormones HAHA), nagtatampo ako dahil baka kako kesyo kinahihiya ako or may ibang gf na pinagtataguan or something. But everytime na inaaway ko siya dahil doon, hahawakan na niya ang kamay ko, tatawa lang at maglalambing. Hayyy. How can I resist.....

Anyway, nasa kaniya lahat ng tiwala ko pagdating sa bagay na 'yon. He was the kind of person that i could trust. Maybe because I know how God-fearing he was.

He also introduced me to his religion and i am looking forward to be one of them. Lagi kong sinasabi na hindi dahil sa kaniya (mostly) kung bakit ako umanib sa kanila, but i really believe to what they are believing in. It was more on the enlightenment. And that was the reason why I was very thankful that God gave me him. Dahil lalo akong naging malapit sa Diyos. Lagi ko ring ipinagdarasal na patnubayan Niya ang relasyon namin.

I am happy to be with Him I couldn't ask for more. Clingy man akong girlfriend, ayos lang. Lagi kong sinasabi sa ibang mga magmamahal na maaring huwag ibigay ang buong pagmamahal mo kay "mr. right", pero that's your choice. And I chose to give all the love I could give to him so that there are no regrets later.

Sabi ko nga, "I'm gonna love you like I'm gonna lose you,"

Kanta lang.

LOL

Missing You T.T

Lagi ko naman siyang na-mimiss noon pa.

But this time, i am terribly missing him. Missing him like crazy. Like literally crazy. Kiddin'. LOL
No, to the point that when i think of him, a tear would fell down my cheeks.

We talk over phone during bedtime everyday, and once a week, we used to see each other. Pero lagi na lang na pakiramdam ko, hindi 'yon sapat. At the end of the day, of every conversation, of every last eye to eye goodbyes, i would miss him-- so much-- that i wanted to cry in sadness.

Siguro, dahil dati ay kasa-kasama ko siya sa maghapon, 24/7, seven times a week. No'ng magkatrabaho kami, sabay kami sa lahat ng bagay. Pumasok sa trabaho, kumain ng lunch, dinner, merienda, umuwi sa trabaho, magtoothbrush sa gabi, sabay na humihiga sa kaniya-kaniyang kama kapag natapos na ang araw. Hayyy. Lahat talaga ng bagay, nagbabago. Change is inevitable.

Ako naman ang lumayo, e. Pero dahil tapos na rin naman ang project namin, talagang paghihiwalayin din kami ng project. Anyway, wala naman akong regrets sa step na ginawa ko in terms of career side.

Waaa! how could I get over with him? I mean, 'yong pagka-miss ko pala. Is this really normal? LOL

I just miss him T.T

Makikinig na lang ako ng kantang "Missing you" by Bea Alonzo. LOL

Pagbigyan na....

Space.

Ano ka? Astronaut para bigyan ko ng space? Pero siyempre, di ko yun sasabihin sa kaniya.

Today, I haven't messaged him nor called him. Naiintindihan ko na... Maybe he wanted space. Baka naso-suffocate na siya sa akin dahil nga araw-araw kaming naguusap thru phone bago matulog. Pagbibigyan ko na siya sa gusto niyang mangyari na every other day na lang kami magusap thru phone. I will stop expecting receiving messages from him daily also. Kailangan kong gawin 'to. Ito lang ang paraang alam ko para hindi ma-toxic ang relationship namin. Mahirap naman 'yung may isang na-totoxic di ba?

Maybe I should grow on my own as well... Naka-depende na kasi sa kaniya at sa expectations ko ang emosyon ko. I should learn how to control it again. Just like the old days when i was single. I should take over control of my emotions!

Hope it will be fine in the next days.

Hindi na ako maa-upset, promise. Nakakuha na ako ng payo from my best friends...

:D

Love. love. love

Communication

My relationship with my first ever boyfriend was not perfect. No relationship is perfect, i realized.There were good times, there were bad times. During good times, there times were like... i was in a cloud nine, butterflies and sparks are all over, everywhere. I love being with him, to the extent that I can literally survive the day if i was in his arms all day and all night.

Waking up beside the man you love was pure heaven. I remember waking up with him, thinking, "Ah, i could get used to this for the rest of my life". And boom! Suddenly I realized that I am starting to think about my future with this man, about how our life will be 3 years from now...

He was my first in all of the first that a girl to grown up woman like me should experience. My first real romantic date, first kiss, first holding hands, first intimate hug with a man, first dance, first man who brought me flowers... My first love. And all the first that you could think of. He often visit me in our house thrice a month since we separated from my previous work (we were co-workers that time).

But aside from good times, there were bad times. We are normal couples who fight but we make sure to end the issue at the end of the day. We always has communication issues. Communication for me is one of the important things in a relationship so as much as possible i would like to talk to him once a day, after work. But what is it with men not to notice that we women wants to connect more often? We are genetically wired for that. He usually asserts that we are always talking to each other so maybe we should make it to call every other day. I was like, "always?!" We barely chat in fb during daytime, and there were many times that he doesn't chat me in a day... I do not doubt his love for me. But he do not initiate the communication thing. Yes, he visits me in our place but i would like to talk to him once a week.. 

Agh, men! What is it with you not to be touchy about those things? LOL

But we're working things out. And hopefully we can agree on  those things..........

Sinner or Saint ?

I know I am not perfect, nor good or saint. I always fall on doing sins. And I always regret that and I continuously ask for God's forgiveness to my sins.

But I have committed this one grievous sin that I never knew I could. But I did not regret doing that... At Lagi-lagi akong humihingi ng tawad sa Panginoon para doon.

May mga pangayayari lang lately na bumabagabag sa akin.. It's really complicated. 

Maybe there is a reason kung bakit nangyayari samin to. Hindi ko nga alam na makakaraing ako sa puntong ganito, e. Never in my wildest dreams.

But everything is okay now. Marami na din ang na-realize at mga aral na natutunan para sa susunod ay hindi na mangyari ang kinatatakutan ng lahat...

Pero hindi na maibabalik ang nakaraan...

I am a sinner. not a saint.

And it is all because of love.

It's complicated.

Rant Pa More!

Dear Readers,

I don't usually brag my profession unlike any other people who has jobs. Not that I am not proud and confident in what I do but I think, I lost interest in my profession. Everybody knows that this is not my first love. I hate the fact that I hate what I do! Damn. Fuck Midlife crisis.

I don't want to admit to everyone that I am lost. Literally lost. I do not know where to start, where to go and what end of my career do i want. What do I want? I don't know.

If I will stop working, I will get depressed cause i don't want anyone to support me. I promised to myself to stand on my own feet....

Sometimes, I get depressed whenever I will talk to my colleagues and they are successful in the road they chose. Not that I envy them because they have the potential of being rich someday, but i envy them because they like what they do. Me? I don't know why i still feel like i lack of something. Parang may hinahanap pa ako. If you'll compare it to cooking of your favorite dish, may lasa ka pang hinahanap-- pero pagkain pa rin ang niluluto mo at alam mong malapit ng maluto. Ganun. Maaring mare-realize mo na ayaw mo pala ng niluluto mo, pero sa bandang huli, di ka titigil sa pagluluto hanggang sa makuha mo ang lasa.

Hayyy. I always wish to God whenever I'll worship that may He give me the happiness that i really want-- sa career. Masaya naman ako, pero hindi kumpleto. Maging masaya lang. But it is not that simple pala. Akala ko, ganun-ganun lang maging masaya. Ang hirap hanapin kung saan ka masaya. Marami palang gusto ang tao. Paiba-iba, nage-evolve sa paglipas ng panahon. Or maybe because I am in the middle of my midlife crisis?

I hate the fact that I hate what I do! Sana maging busy na....

Actually, wala kasi akong magawa sa new job ko kaya nagra-rant ako ng ganito. Natatakot akong baka nasasayang lang ang panahon ko sa paghihintay..... habang hindi ko pa nakikita kung saan talaga ako masaya. Tsk.

Maghahanap na ba ako ng bagong trabaho? or I will stop working o magisip?

Kailangan ko munang mag-ipon ng matindi!

Ine-expect ko na ang sarili ko na broke pa rin pagkatungtong ko ng 30's. huhuhuhu Hindi pa ganoon kasuccessful sa career...

ANyway, rant pa more! Sobrang hussle kasi ang biyahe.... at walang magawa sa work. huhuhu

Signing off...

Amohr Seyer

Lost Stars

I want to write! I want to write! I want to write! I can feel it in my bones right now. LOL. Gusto ko lang na may mapagbuhusan ng nararamdaman ko, dahil hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko dito. I'm so full of romantic thoughts (well, thanks for my boyfriend. Ang sweet kasi!) at dahil hindi ko naman siya nakakasama everyday gaya ng dati, walang mapaglagyan ng kilig ko. I really want to write again. So... I think magsisimula na akong magsulat ng isang nobela. Uumpisahan ko ngayon, pagkatapos ay buong araw ako magsusulat sa quezon city day, at sa susunod pang mga araw. Maraming holidays! hehehehe... Sana magawa ko...

Anyway, sobrang nag-enjoy na naman ako sa araw ko kahapon. Weekend e, meaning, a day with my man na naman. He visited our house saturday night after his work for sleepover. Bonding time kasama ang Aunt ko. By morning, sabay kaming sumamba sa Kapilya to worship. Then we head straight to the mall for our date :)

Super happy lang coz i got the chance to see him during the weekend pero nagaalala lang din ako na baka kinukuha ko na ang natitirang araw niya para magpahinga kasi sunday lang ang off sa construction industry. Since maraming holidays next week, I told him na depende sa kaniya kung gusto niya kaming magkita ulit, pero itinaboy ko na lang siya dahil baka masakal na siya. xD I wanted him to interact with different person naman kasi iyon ang nakikita kong gusto niya. At ska, ako rin kasi ay nalulunod sa affection namin sa isa't-isa, na tipong sa kaniya na nakadepende ang emosyon ko sa araw-araw.

So I said I will write, para doon ko maibuhos lahat ng emosyon ko sa kaniya. My first love was so overwhelming, at kapag hindi ko kinontrol ay baka ako rin ang makasira sa lahat. It was perfect, he was a charming, kind and lovable partner, and i don't want to make him feel imprisoned with my love. I want him to be as free as possible, but still knowing his way back in my loving arms...

Kailangan ko na lang sanayin ang sarili ko na hindi siya palaging kausap. Chat is okay, pero limitahan na, kasi kahit nagwo-work ako ay hindi ko mapigilan.

Anyway, working hours pero ito ang ginagawa ko. Sorry na.

Ipagpapatuloy ko ang kuwento next time :)

Anyway, ang title ng entry na ito ay isa sa mga paborito kong kanta at pinapakinggan ko ngayon.

Love,

Amohr

That Thing Called Tadhana

Sometimes, I can't help but to question myself why. Why I acted the way I act that day. Why I did this or did that. At the end of the day, I always feel regrets…

I wish I wouldn't feel regrets. I hate feeling regret. Regrets…

I know that we should move on and focus on more important things in our life. Hindi naman purket mahal mo siya, mahal ka niya, magfo-focus na kayo sa isa't-isa. At hindi porket sinabi niyang mahal ka niya ay maniniwala ka na lang basta. Ang pag-ibig, hindi lamang puro salita ang lahat. Ipinapakita rin sa gawa.

Madalas akong madismaya-- sa sarili ko at sa kaniya. Marahil ay dahil ito ang unang pagkakataon kong umibig, at mahalin din. Pakiramdam ko, mas mahal ko siya kaysa sa pagmamahal niya sa akin. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ganoon.

Ang sabi nila, dapat daw, mas mahal ka ng tao para sa huli, hindi ikaw ang talo.

The truth is, I am so afraid of what I am feeling right now. It was so overwhelming It was like standing in a hanging platform with a black hole underneath it.  I feel like, whether I like it or not, I will fall and get hurt. And I will always get hurt in the end. There were always an end. And there's got to be someone na masasaktan. O maaring pareho, pero may isang tao pa rin ang mas labis na masasaktan.

At natatakot akong baka ako 'yon.

I don't know if he's just not expressive but sometimes I feel like I'm nothing to him.

I feel like, I'm just a past time.

I feel like, if ever there is anyone who will come in the way, he will leave me and broke my heart.

Its complicated to fall in love.

I already gave my heart to him and there's no way of getting it back.

I want to open up my insecurities and issues to him. But I'm afraid… nakakatakot na baka lalo siyang lumayo sa akin kapag nalaman niya iyon…

First time to fall in love and to be loved.  Sana, hindi ako ma-reject agad… >.<

Tang i*a na pelikula. Humuhugot tuloy ako. HUHUHU…