To The Real Me

I've been contemplating about myself... and there are many things that I found out about myself. This is because it seems like I don't know myself anymore. Have I changed or pretending to be someone I'm not just for the people to accept me?

I am the person who secretly fears first time experiences.You won't find any thrill in my bones. I just want a smooth life sailing into a calm sea. If possible, I want to run away from those first time experiences or postponed it. But no matter how I ran away and how many times I postpone it, if it's inevitable and I have no choice but to face it, that is the time I am stressed up to the highest level. I hate first times for I am likely to commit mistakes. I know that it's okay to be wrong because you'll learn from it. But you know, when it comes to me, I think it isn't. You'll gonna find out why in the second paragraph.


I am a slow person. I don't get things at first unlike any other smart people. That is the reason why I don't understand why people 'looked up' to me like "Ikaw, pa. Sisiw lang sa `yo `yan." NO. When something is new to me, it takes time for me to get it. I'm such a slow person. I need a minute to think about the spelling of "Christmas" or even the correct pronunciation of "gravel". It requires TIME and much EFFORT for me to get familiar with a certain topic. What I could brag about is that I'm a hardworking person if it suits me. Meaning, if I want it, I want it. There's no more turning back-- by hook or by crook.

I also hate asking people. I'd rather find the answer myself if its possible. If not, thats the time i'll start asking questions. Its free to ask questions, but i believe finding the answer yourself is much better. You'd remember it easily right? XD

In terms of socializing with people, what i think about myself is i'm in the middle of being an introvert and the opposite of it. What is it called again? Extrovert? LOL. So, as i was saying i couldn't say if i'm "makulit" and talkative but i'm definitely not a people person. I usually hate phone calls. If possible, I'd rather talk personally or just a message in social networking sites or text will do. I don't say outloud whats on my mind, I write it in a piece of paper or type it as a status in my facebook account. I think many times before saying anything for i am afraid others might get hurt unintentionally.

I'm likely very easy to please and convince because i hate rejecting people. I'm a touchy person and always dwell in the past. i Love collecting sentimental items. So, what else? Tama na muna. Baba muna ko ng mrt. LOL

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Depressing thoughts

Minsan, nakakapagod ng umiyak. Ang sabi nila, kapag umiyak ka daw, magiging maganda ang pagkiramdam mo pagkatapos dahil nailabas mo na ang lahat ng sama ng loob mo. Sa kalagayan ko, hindi, e. Kadalasan kasi akong inuuhog ng ilang araw kapag umiyak ako at hindi 'yon maganda sa pakiramdam. Kapag pinigilan mo naman ang iyak, ang sakit din sa ulo at puso, literal. Masakit. Pati sa atay at balunbalunan. Kaya minsan, sumasakit din ang tiyan ko. Jusko, mamamatay na yata ako. Wag naman, 'di pa ko nagkaka-love life.

Hmmm. I miss my mother. I miss my father. I miss my brother. At ngayon, ang sakit ng ulo at puso ko dahil pinipigilan kong umiyak, nasa MRT ako. Kapag kasi ganitong nakatunganga ako at walang ginagawa kundi mag-antay ng istasyon kung san ako bababa, ang dami-dami kong naiisip na nakakapagpa-depress madalas sa 'kin. Minsan naiisip ko, wala na ba akong maiisip na masaya? 'yong matatawa't mapapangiti naman ako para mapagkamalan akong baliw sa MRT. Masaya kayang mapagkamalang baliw? Ma-try nga.

Hanggang ngayon, iniiwasan kong sumulat ng artikulo na nagsasabi ng lahat ng hinanakit ko at pagsisisi patungkol sa pagkamatay ni mama at ang relasyon namin ng papa ko at kuya ko. Ang hirap ilabas.

Sana nga totoo 'yung sinasabi nila na kapag inilabas mo lahat ng nararamdaman mo e magiging okay na ang pakiramdam mo pagkatapos. Iipunin ko lahat ng tapang ko para ilabas iyon.

Hanggang sa muli.

posted from Bloggeroid

Fun Friday Nights ^_^

Hello guys. Long time, no blog. LOL. I miss blogging. :)
There's a lot of under the sun topics i want to blog this past few days but im too lazy to write it down. Oh well, where will i start? Hmmm.

Let's start with what happened last week, friday. I was invited in a birthday party (one of Project Managers of water department). Luckily, i feel connected to him because he also came to our province (kapampangan) so we easily exchange thoughts about our province. I was with my co-engineers, and then they ask me to sing in the karaoke. If you read my previous blogpost, you'll know how i love singing in Karaoke, but in front of those professional engineers? To think that i was new to the company? I was like... "no way...ah, okay, okay, i'll sing, sir." hahaha. Ang kulit lang, pinilit kasi nila ako..ng konti. Nahiya din naman ako, sinong hndi? I couldnt even feel my hands in nervousness. I managed to sing three songs, though. (kapal ng mukha! Haha) everytime i finished a song, they would yell "more! More! Rhoma! Rhoma!" including the vice president of our dept, for heaven's sake! XD but after three songs, i refused to sing again and told them jokingly they will never get the chance to hold the microphone if they would let me sing again. Haha. It was fun. Nakikisigaw ako kapag sama-sama nilang sinisigaw (sa malalalim na boses, mga lalaki e) ang birthday jingle nila kay Sir Jun (The birthday celebrant hehe). But the most embarassing moment for me is when someone dragged me to dance. Buseeet! Haha seemed that someone is having a good time. LOL. He's not the birthday celebrant, but he's so talkative and pabida like the birthday celebrant. Haha at the end of the day or at the end of the night rather, umalis n kmi ng mga nine thirty. Dapat ay 8pm kami aalis, but they insisted to extend our stay there. Again, that was a fun experience. I got the chance to know DMCI field engineers one by one although after that night, wala na kong naaalala kahit isa sa kanila. Oh, forgive my memory gap. XD Kaya nga no'ng tuesday, someone greeted me and i couldnt remember him. Waaa. What a memory.. Even the person who drove us home, i couldnt remembr his face. XD but at least, i knew him by name. lol

Then another fun friday night yesterday. Together with my other co-engineers (tatlo kami hehe), we ate out after office hours. We just laugh, laugh and laugh hanggang pauwi. And the topic was me. Mga bully talaga iyong mga 'yon. Haha But in a good day, since it wasn't offending naman. Its how i handle the joke. LOL. Inaasar kasi ako, masarap daw kasi aqng asarin dahil nasa personality ko na raw iyon. Actually, isa sa mga inaasar nila sa akin during the past few days ay ang pagkakahawig ko raw kay Rhian Ramos. I was like, "Really?? What the heck!" Artistahin ang peg? Haha I denied it and said "ang layo po! Kaboses ko lang daw po" but they insisted. They even researched pictures of Rhian Ramos and then they both looked at me. Haha laughtrip, pareho pa daw nagsisimula sa "RH" at R ang pangalan at apelyido namin. LOL. Nakakahiya naman, sinasabi ko dito ito. Don't you ever tease me, people. Mahiya naman ako sa kutis at nose ko, ang puti at tangos ng ilong no'ng tao :P
LOL. Anyway, i admit, it wasn't the first time someone told me i looked like the young controversial actress. Hindi ako ganoon kaganda, but they said our eyes and shape of the face were the same. Oh well, pati din daw sa boses. Anu ba 'yan nakakahiya na tuloy...

Ah basta, I wasn't the one who told myself that i looked like Rhian Ramos. Everytime na may nagsasabi sa kin nyan, skeptic pa din ako at di pa rin naniniwala. :P LOL

This is Engr. Rhoma Reyes, signing off and looking for more fun friday nights :)

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Hmmm part 2 ^_^

Kapag may nagustuhan talaga akong kanta, ulit-ulit talaga ang kantang 'yon. Kagaya na lang ng "Made in the USA" ni Demi Lovato at "We can't stop" ni Miley Cyrus. At marami pang iba. I really love pop music. :) I won't brag about how i love music, kasi pasumpong-sumpong lang ako, e. Minsan, nakiki-update, minsan hindi. Pero ganito ko maipapaliwanag ang pagkahilig ko sa music: Iharap niyo sa akin ang Karaoke, at ako ang unang-unang kakanta. Volunteer ba. :') Ganyan kakapal ang mukha ko. Haha

Anyway, lately ay napapaisip lang ako sa isang bagay. Someone told me na studious daw aq, at sa "sobrang talino" ko raw e nakakakailang daw ako kausapin at tanungin ng mga bagay2 dahil baka mapahiya raw sa akin. Am I really this unapproachable? Really? Ilang ulit ko bang sasabihin na hindi ako matalino. Huhu Isa lang akong normal na tao na nagttyagang magaral noon dahil iyon naman talaga ang dahilan kung bakit tayo pumapasok sa school db? Matagal ko ng nararamdaman na may mga taong intimidated sa akin kaya ayaw ako kausapin. Hindi naman ako nangangain ng tao, madali naman ako kausap. Kapag kinausap niyo ako, kakausapin ko din naman kayo.

Ako kasi ang tipo ng tao na sumusunod sa attitude ng tao na nakakasalamuha ko. Kapag makulit, makulit ako. Kapag tahimik, tahimik din ako. Mahiyain ako, e. Kaya talagang inaantay ko na mauna silang kausapin ako. I don't know why im like this. Maybe because im afraid of rejection. Never pa naman aqng d kumausap ng taong naunang kumausap sa kin kaya, i promise, di talaga kayo mapapahiya.

*sigh* wala,e. Ganito na ako. I cannot change myself. Now i know kung bakit kaunti lang din ang male friends ko. To think that i'm in engineering field. I have many aquaintances but friends? Nabawasan pa ng isa because of his conflict to my bestfriend. Ofcourse, even though kaibigan ko xa, i chose my bestfriend..anyway, as i was saying, No one really have the courage to talk to me outside studies.

Kaya siguro, iyong mga opposite ko ang mas makakasundo ko. Tingin niyo? Haha

posted from Bloggeroid

Hmmm

Every time I feel I'm the dumbest person in the world, I would just console myself when I passed the board and my mentor told me, "magaling to, e." No'ng sinabi niya sa akin ito noong oath taking when I ask her if I could take some pictures with her, grabe talaga ang tuwa ko. I couldn't believe that she acknowledged my effort. Not that I'm bragging that "I'm smart"-- hindi po ako matalino. A big NO. Ito iyong paniniwala sa sarili ko na kaya ko pala. Na hindi ko dapat minamaliit ang sarili ko. Masaya ako dahil hindi man sa katalinuhan kung bakit niya ako nakilala, somehow, she had seen my efforts. And that's the most important thing. EFFORT.

Anyway, lately ay lagi akong nagkakamali. Sino ba ang gustong magkamali? Sometimes, ang hirap ng nagsisimula but you have to be strong. There are many people who will belittle you, and all you have to do is to prove them they are wrong. I'm having a hard time proving myself to everyone. Ah, lahat naman ng bagay ay mahirap sa umpisa. Lagi ko ngang sinasabi sa sarili ko na "keep pushing, Rhoma".

Iba talaga ang actual sa theory na pinagaaralan sa school. More learnings sa actual. Kaya mo iyan, Rhoma!

Another Day

Good morning, my blog. This is another day of my life. I'm actually having a really smooth week unlike the previous weeks, but i feel stressed as usual. Ah, kailan ba 'yon nawala? Anyway, i don't have the appetite to eat every meal but im trying very hard to eat because my body needs it. And when i do that, i feel nausating all the time. :(

Oh, no. Its not what you think. I'm not, you know, pregnant. Haha! Baka kasi iniisip niyo. It's just im like this when i have many things in mind. And i always have many things in my mind so im always stressed. LOL ano daw?

I wonder when will i gain weight. I
'm underweight because of my height. my weight is 49.40kgs but my height is 165cm so underweight talaga. Haha My Godmother told me to take some vitamins. Hmm. I'll think about it.

So...they say its payday today. LOL. Wag niyo kong hohold-up-in dahil hindi ko alam kung kasama aq sa susuweldo because my timesheet was not gven to me. Haha.

I actually just have 2 hours of sleep since i slept 3.30am. I worked out my template sheet on estimation of valve box,and because of my slowness, i finished it 3 hrs. Damn it. Lately, what bothers me is that im taking time to accomplish something. But time is gold, i knew it have to catch every learnings fast. Hayy. I'm such a slow learner...

I gotta go, folks. Good morning. :)

posted from Bloggeroid

Remembering my Mother

I woke up, crying. I dreamt about my mother. And God, I missed her soo much. I want her to stay. She said she would leave because we wanted to. Oh, mother. Sorry. So sorry if you think we gave up on you. That's not what we wanted. We don't want to see you suffer...and we couldnt take seeing you like that. If we're in pain, God knows how much you're more in pain. I love you and I missed you, Ma...

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