Hate. Love. Hate

I always hated answering phone calls who want to hire me as a call center agent. Hindi naman sa minamaliit ko ang pagiging call center agent. I admire them pa nga, e. Its just I suck in speaking in English and you're asking me to work in a call center? like duh? HAHAHAHAHAHA

I remember one of my professor told us that its acceptable if we, engineers, are not much good in speaking English. It's the thought that counts, right? LOL But hey, we're living in the Philippines and therefore I should just accept that English is our second mother language. So I think I should start practicing writing and speaking in English. I don't care if the grammar's wrong. hahaha.

So... I mentioned this because of what I acted during the last interview I had. Mental block. Damn mental block. I just couldn't express my thoughts... It's really shameful that in my age, i suck in speaking in English. I sometimes envy others because they could express their thoughts excellently in English. They sounded sooooo smart. When you can speak in English, they are smart. Right? Right? Right? *sigh*

So... I must start reading, speaking and watching english movies. LOL

And maybe, most importantly, i should keep calm and confident that I am the perfect applicant for that position. Okay! Now, I know what to do. (Yeah, right. Ganyan tayo, e. haha! )

I take back what i said in my last entry yesterday. I have many friends. Why would i feel so alone when I have many friends? What an emo. Haha! So, forgive me. It's me that I should blame. *sigh* Oopps! I am not an emo today. stop. stop. stop.

Signing off :)

DRAMA Blues

There are many things i want to say on this blog right now but i don't know where to start. LOL Anyway, it just feels kinda weird that.. like... I'm attached to someone. I look forward to this person's next message to me. LOL It's not that I feel something to him, but I really want to know that person more, as a friend. Sa kaniya kasi, nakukuwento ko ang mga nangyayari sa buhay ko. It just feels light when i talk to him :)

Siguro, ganito lang ang pakiramdam ng gusto mong may makausap ka kahit sandali lang. `Yong makukuwento mo sa taong `yon `yong nakakahiyang nangyari sa buhay mo nang ayos lang sa kaniya at hindi ka huhusgahan. `Yong may pakialam... Minsan kasi, i feel like i have no friends. Minsan lang naman. LOL

Ah, Thanks to him, i was able to blurt out my frustrations in life. He's really a friend...

Friend. What is the definition of a friend? During my 2nd year in highschool, a book once defined it as "Friend is a precious jewel" (Okay, hindi `yon definition kundi comparison). So ayun, indeed it is... a precious jewel. I always want to have precious jewels (friends), pero hindi ko pa nahahanap `yong ultimate bestfriend ko. Siguro dahil na rin sa personality ko na.. introvert. Yes, I believe I am sometimes an introvert. `Yong tipong mas gustong mapag-isa. Ang weird `no? `Yong tipong takot sabihin ang nararamdaman sa isang tao... kung natutuwa ba ako, naiinis, nagagalit. It's true that i don't live in other's opinion but i care about their feelings. 

*Sigh* I missed my few friends way back in college. Kapag naaalala ko `yong mga kalokohan namin no'n at kung gaano kami ka-close kumpara ngayon na may sari-sarili ng buhay, nakaka-miss lang talaga. Bakit kasi kapag nagkakaroon ng bagong buhay ang iba, hindi na nagre-reach out sa mga taong naging parte ng nakaraan nila. Minsan tinatanong ko, am i really their friend? or kaibigan pa rin ba ang turing nila sa 'kin? Sometimes, i feel like i deserved no one as a friend... kasi ayaw na nilang makihalubilo sa 'kin dahil busy na sila sa buhay nila. (drama mode)

Noon pa, hinahanda ko na ang sarili ko na mamuhay mag-isa-- ng hindi umaasa kanino man. Ang babaw ko talaga. Daig ko pa ang may problema sa lovelife. LOL

Its not really a problem, its just how i feel this week..o sa mga nakalipas na araw. Ah, poor me.

Next time, ang masaklap na lovelife ko naman ang ikukuwento ko. `Di ba, ang enjoy maging ako? But really, kahit ganito ako, i feel like I'm more fortunate than others pa rin naman. :) At least I have relatives that cares for me...

There are just some people whom i care about that they doesn't seem to care to me that much. *DRAMA*

Signing off.

....

How can I know if its true?
How would I know that its you?
Why am I feeling such a loner
When you seem not to care?

I do admit that I miss you
But I wont tell that it's you
Afraid to tell what I really feel
For you might ask if it's real


Hmmmmmmmm... I suck at poems. *crumpled the paper and threw it in the basket* Why am I... Missing you?

Ano nga palang nangyari sa katapusan ng Koreanovelang Missing You? XD

posted from Bloggeroid

Too Good to be True

I... I just hate what I'm feeling right now. I feel that nobody wants me. :( Well, I mean company. Job?

Nililinaw ko lang. Baka kasi iba ang iniisip niyo. :)

It's just... Discrimination. We have to put ourselves above it to prove something. I don't have any experience. What do you expect? I saw an ad on the internet, its qualification is: a licensed engineer (civil), 20-23 yrs of age, with at least 2 years of experience.

Who are you freakin' kidding? sinong ga-graduate ng 18 yrs old sa kursong inhinyeryang sibil at pumasa ng board exam? Meron siguro. The genius ones. But I'm no genius. :(

Maybe, it's too good to be true... even those companies. -_-

Oh, well, i hate pitying myself. I feel like everybody would laugh at me and say "you're nothing" o kaya mas lalo lang akong kaawaan. Haha. Anyway, i'm just blurting my feelings. Okay, naka-recover na ako. Laban lang ng laban. :)

Feeling ko, nakakabisado ko na ang mga procedures sa paga-apply. :) samantalang dati, i have no freaking idea how to apply. Kaya 'to!

Napapala ng pagiging mapili. I asked for this. Paninindigan ko 'to :)

posted from Bloggeroid

A Review to Remember

I asked for this. I'm not going to give up. :) Patience is a virtue. Currently waiting for a text... or a call. Oh, please... After this week at wala pang balita, magwo-walk in ulit ako. :)

I was browsing for the books my cousin's cousin asked for me when i saw my diary when i was reviewing for board exam. I feel like, okay, its a breathe of fresh air because i know that i made it. That time... Well, masaya lang alalahanin kaya pagbigyan na. haha. I remember writing my name with "Engr." to motivate myself. Just so you know, I do have a lot of inspiration/motivation. :) Then I always abbreviate my name as "Engr. RR". Minsan, 'di na ang sarili ko ang pinapatungkulan ko sa pangalan na 'yan kundi 'yung crush na crush kong instructor. haha. I HAD a very huge crush talaga sa kanya. ('huge' na nga 'very' pa.) But it passed. *shrugs* He's just different. I mean, he don't even know me. Haha. We don't talk to each other since He's the unreachable one. I just don't know why i felt like i really "like" him since he became our instructor back in our Special Topics subject. Hahaha! Talk about crazy feelings, huh? But then i realize maybe i was just "fangirling" to think that i started to stalk him in FB. Damn, I did it. xD
I message him, yes. Nakakatuwa kasi nireply-an niya ako ang "thank you" ko ng: "Welcome :)" Take note: With a smiley! Imagine how I giggle like a highschool girl that time. LOL. Kaya nga hinding-hindi ko makakalimutan 'yong pagre-review ko no'ng board exam. What a review to remember...

Wala lang, napakuwento lang. Minsan, ipo-post ko ang mga entry ko sa diary ko noon... Remember, wala pa akong trabaho kaya makakapagpost pa ko dito. :) Samantalahin na. Good evening!

Diary Entry
Date: January 27, 2013
"Staring at his picture, I know there's this unexplainable feeling that always overwhelms me. Thinking of him makes me smile for no apparent reason and Imagining him smile at me makes me giggle with joy like a gradeschool student..."

posted from Bloggeroid

Tulala sa Ayala

I had an exam at Ayala. Grabe, ang ganda pala doon. How I wish ganito ang buong Filipinas ( I used the word "Filipinas" dahil ito raw ang tamang tawag sa bansa natin simula ng dumating si Villalobos. History ito? haha) Anyway, central business district ang Ayala kaya dapat lang na gano'n siya kaayos at kaganda :)

Ah, that little happiness. Be happy ;)

If Hyder wouldn't hire me, i meant it, its okay. I really had a peace of mind at ayala triangle under that old tree. I sat on one of those stone bench and wrote this blog in a piece of paper. LOL.

I completely turned down the job offer of (company name). Sorry talaga kung ganito ako. I had a hard time saying that i could accept the job but there, i said it already. I made the bravest decision ever. Pero panindigan na 'to!

Out of topic:
I'm just wondering. What's the use of fighting your opinion with other's opposite opinion? Ako kasi ang tipong tao na kapag ayaw, ayaw. gusto, gusto. I admit, I'm really stubborn in someways. I always want to be independent. Ayoko ng dinidiktahan, lalo na kung magkaiba tayo ng paniniwala. Hindi ko naman kasi pinipilit sa iba ang paniniwala ko. Kaya nga anong inis ko kapag "pinapangunahan" ako ng ibang tao. My parents never dictated me what to do. Lagi silang nagbibigay ng paalala at pangaral, but then it was always me who would do the last decision. Siyempre, pinagiisipan ko naman ang desisyon ko.

hmmm. Paano kung mali ang paniniwala ko? Simple answer. I will ask papa God. Siya lang ang hahayaan kong dumikta sa 'kin ng hindi ko na kailangan magisip. SIYA lang. He is my source of wisdom and my shepherd...

Lord, sana tawagan nila ako :-) Maghihintay ako. ^^

July.. please be good to me.

Engr. Rhoma Reyes, signing off.

posted from Bloggeroid

Taking Chances

I always believed that I have a better future. My failures and success always remind me of that. Oo, ambisyosa ako pero sino bang hindi? I want to excel in my career. I worked hard for it and I believe I deserve a job that I think i would enjoy and give me many learnings, not just in technical knowledge but also as a person.

Ang sabi nga, "Choose the job you love and you will never have to work in your entire life". I saw how my brother lost his interest in his field because he didn't like his job (sana nga matagpuan na niya kung ano talaga ang gusto niyang trabaho as an Electronics Engineer). Ang mga experiences ng ibang tao at experiences ko ang kadalasang nakapagbibigay ng aral sa akin sa buhay. Para sa akin, marami kang matututunan sa mga pagkakamali mo-- at ng ibang tao. That is the reason why I want a job na makakapagpasaya sa akin. I always follow my gut feeling and proceed to what i really want. Kagaya na lang ng nangyayari sa akin ngayon.

There was this company that I applied last week. One day lang, hired na ako. Hindi ko alam ang dapat na maramdaman, matutuwa ba ako na sa wakas ay may trabaho na ako? Pero ang bilis kasi. Haha. May mga kompaniya pa akong in-apply-an at kasalukuyang naghihintay ng feedback. Inisip ko, kapag tinanggap ko ito, paano na ang mga dream company ko? My strategy is this: Inuna kong apply-an ang mga dream company ko. Mayroong nagsabi sa akin na never lose hope sa pag-aapply. Yes, i never lost my hope. Kaya nga ngayon, naghihintay pa rin ako, e! hehe. So ayun, kaya nga no'ng tinawagan ako ng Hyder Consulting Middle East para mag-exam, sa sobrang excitement ko ay naka-OO ako. Oo, alam kong exam pa lang iyon at may chance na hindi ako tanggapin at sa huli ay makakarinig ako ng walang kamatayang "We'll call you" pero sinong hindi mae-excite kapag pinagbuksan ka ng pinto para matupad `yong pangarap mo? Hyder's been my dream company. Actually, I want to enter construction industry because it's an in-demand job but I also want to try structural engineering-- to design buildings, bridges and many infastractures, urban planning, etc. But God, please help me to win this company. I am a versatile person, to the point that i don't know what really matters to me if its construction or structural, or hydraulics and water resources planning (because i also excel in Hydraulics and Geotechnical Engineering. Hehe.) Hindi ako gaano katalino sa Structural pero naniniwala akong kaya ko siya. Kakayanin. Kasi kapag gusto, gusto, kapag ayaw, maraming dahilan. HAHA.

Ang Hyder ang dahilan kung bakit ko tatalikuran ang paniguradong trabaho para sa akin. Maybe because i wasn't thrilled to the position (office engineer pero sa site project naka-base). Lumaki ako na puro pagsubok at laging may aabuting goal-- and that is to surpass myself. In the first place, kaya nga ako kumuha ng Civil Engineering ay dahil gusto kong malaman kung hanggang saan nga ba ang kakayahan ko at para may mapatunayan sa sarili ko. At hanggang ngayon, sa paghahanap ng trabaho, yun pa din ang hinahanap ko. Siguro, pangalawa na lang `yong salary at iyong company. Choosy na kung choosy, pero sino bang ayaw sa mas established na na kompanya? Hangga't may chance pa, go lang ng go. Dahil kapag nawala na ang chance na `yan, baka pagsisihan ko lang sa huli. I may think in the future that "What if i did that...?". But i know i could be making a decision na makakadisappoint lang sa akin. Pero hayaan na, ang sabi nga, ay wala namang maling desisyon kung paninindigan mo `yon. Kaya paninindigan ko na ito.

I will take the risk of getting my dream job than to play safe and not be happy.

This is Engr. Rhoma Reyes, signing off. :)

PS: Napapansin kong dumarami ang views ng blog ko. Bakit kaya? Nasanay ako na lima o sampung views lang ang inaabot ng blog ko, hindi ko naman kasi goal ang maging sikat sa larangan ng blogging. Kung sino ka mang nagbabasa ka, kung nandito ka para insultuhin ako o kastiguhin ang mga paniniwala ko sa buhay, well, I'm sorry to say, nagaaksaya lang po kayo ng oras. I wouldn't let the behaviors of others disturb my inner peace. Itago niyo na lang sa sarili niyo ang rants niyo at magsulat kayo ng sarili niyong blog. Okay? HAHA