To The Man I Love Unexpectedly

Loving you is like my greatest addiction.

I think of you almost every day, every hour, every minute and every second. A year with you made my life more meaningful. You are my bestfriend, protector, confidante, mentor, partner-in-crime, my special someone… someone who loves the way I dress, I smile, I laugh, I sneez… all of it-- goodness and flaws. I am myself when I'm with you. I can be stubborn, silent or even shout when I'm having a hard time. I mostly love the feeling with your arms, wrapped around me… or your soft kiss in my forehead and nose when I lay in your lap. I enjoyed those quiet moments with you even we're not talking and just sittin' on the couch watching tv… I think those were the most quality time of being with you. I will always love you no matter what-- even in your worst times. I couldn't imagine my life without you. I will continue to give you love whatever I can, wherever I am… because I love you very much.

Lost

I am finding a new job.

Deym it. What do i really want in my life?

I feel like I'm freakin' lost.

But anyway, its not as bad as it seems... I'm taking it slow. But i should note to my self that I'll be broke by April if i'll pass my resignation this upcoming March. Hayy...

Maybe you're asking, 'Why are you leaving? I thought you love your job..."

I thought too... It's just there were a lot of things that pushed me to quit.

First is the financial. I wanted to save. I wanted to travel. But at my current "professional pay" right now is not working anymore. Yes, i am thrifty. But it's not enough anymore. Next month, I'll pay for water bills, internet bills, yaya bills (which is yung paglalaba lang naman ang need ko, tapos bibili pa daw ng washing machine.) Its. Not. Enough. Anymore.

Second, I look on practicality. After ten years, I want to earn as much as i have to for my future family and all. I want to give my future children the life that they deserve. At this point, I'm deciding which career path do I really want. Yes, I have explored enough. And I know what i really want. To be in construction industry. Construction is challenging but I can manage. I am not interested on how much success i would attain in terms on my career, but on how I'll be happy in my life in the future.

Third is my "job". As much as I wanted to be a hydrologist, i don't think it's happy anymore. In my definition of happy kasi, 'yung masaya ka sa ginagawa mo, at masaya ka kasama ng mga katrabaho mo, masaya ka sa boss mo, masaya ka sa kompaniya mo. Well, andaming wala sa current job ko. 'yun lang masaya ako sa ginagawa ko. I have friends in my company, but the others seemed distant. I don't know why. Maybe because they're too smart? LOL. Baka hinahanap ko pa din `yung dating samahan namin ng dati kong trabaho. Masaya sa "Boss"? Well, professionally speaking, i respect our boss, he's a young SVP/Project Manager of the company.  But i think he lacks passion about his job and the people he's handling. In my own opinion, when you're a boss, don't take it too personally that you're a "boss". Don't absorb it too much. Its not the world is revolving around a boss. Consideration is one of the important characteristics of a good boss. Hindi naman lahat ng 'unfortunate' events na nangyayari, kasalanan ng tao. Many factors can contribute to the scenario. Also, when you're a boss, have a sense of urgency. Huwag naman sanang maging pa-importante. Sabi nga, there's a line difference between a boss and a leader.

My job description was a hydrologist, not a project coordinator. Okay lang naman kung may proper direction. Eh wala. Magulo. Ako pa naman `yung kapag alam kong kailangan ng atensiyon ang trabaho gusto ko natatapos agad. Pero kung ayaw makipag-cooperate ng isa, ano'ng mangyayari? Tsssss...

I have high respect from him. But it is all gone.

Good thing is that I'm thinking of finding another job again. Salamat at dahil sa 'boss' ko na yon ay nakapagdecide na ako na baka ang paga-abroad ang para sa akin.

Also, i still don't have a contract to my company after it expired last January. I mean, what the...f???

Many reasons pushed me.

And can I push myself too?


I have dreams for my future. For our future. Yes. For our future.

Signing off,

Amohr

When you Really Love Someone

This is a draft post written last year (Feb 2015)

What is love?

Love. Love is a very deep, unexplainable feeling of being mentally, emotionally and physically attached to someone who suddenly became part of your system without realizing it. No matter how guard your defenses, there would be someone, somewhere, who will pass by the river or infinite oceans and seas for you. Also, it is really true that you'll find love when you least expect it... 

Okay, tama na ang drama. Kasi naman! February na naman, ayan tuloy. Kung ano-ano naiisip ko. HAHA...

Anyway, i haven't posted on my blog since forever so mag-uupdate lang.

Paano ko ba sasabihin 'to.. For the first time, i feel excited about Valentine's day. For the first time, hindi na ako nakakaramdam ng bitterness kapag nakakakita ako ng couples (LOL). For the first time, naghihintay ako sa mensahe o tawag ng isang tao.

-me, February 2, 2015

What really is love.

Love. When you really love someone.

When you really love someone, it's not about "Valentines' day" or special love day para ipakita mo na mahal mo ang partner mo. When you really love someone, kagigising mo pa lang sa umaga, excited ka na. Hindi dahil magkikita kayo o may date kayo, but the thought of the overwhelming feeling when you realize another day had passed, but the feelings... lalong tumitindi, lalo mo siyang minamahal kahit kisame ang makita mo at hindi siya sa unang pagmulat ng mga mata mo sa umaga.

When you really love someone, its really hard to remember how you really lived the past years without him/her. Hindi naman dahil nakatuon na ang buong mundo mo sa kaniya, o palagi mo siyang kasama ngayon, kundi dahil sa kaniya mo naramdaman ang kakaibang saya at tunay na pag-ibig na hindi mo nararamdaman noon. Yes, you really lived without him/her for as long as you remember, but you were never really complete until he/she came along.

When you really love someone, you wanted to suceed in life. You wanted to have a good life in the future... with him/her. Nakikita mo na ang taong ito na kasama mo habang buhay. Naniniwala kasi ako, kapag pumasok ka sa relasyon, hindi ka na dapat magpaligoy-ligoy pa. Ang goal dapat sa pakikipagrelasyon ay ang long-term togetherness and happiness.

When you really love someone, you want him/her to be happy. Gusto mong matupad ang mga pangarap niya-- kung iyon ang ikaliligaya niya. Mas inuuna mo ang kaligayahan niya sa kaligayahan mo.

When you really love someone, sometimes you'll be at loss in words, but what you really want to say is how much you love him/her. Wala kasing katumbas na salita ang pagmamahal mo sa isang tao. Ako, may may mga pagkakataon na sinasabi ko ang "i love you" sa kaniya ng paulit-ulit pero pakiramdam ko kulang pa ang salitang iyon sa nararamdaman ko. It's just... no words can explain how much i love him :)

Kaya wala na akong maisulat ito. Ang dami kasi... :D

Wala na namang magawa.


Sorry, another post about love again <3 p="">
-Amohr

May Forever

Dahil kapapanood ko lang ng pelikula na ang title ay kabaligtaran ng title ng blogpost na ito, magpo-post ako ng thoughts ko about doon :)

At since wala namang nagbabasa ng blog ko, de good. ^_^

Hayyyyyy.. Walang Forever. Ang sabi sa movie, kapag daw tinanong mo ang isang tao at isinagot sayo ay 'May forever', nakahanda pang tanggapin ng taong iyon ang mahal niya. Kung 'Walang forever', handa na itong mag-let go sa taong minamahal niya. No wonder naniniwala ako sa "may forever'. I will hold on to him as long as I can, as long as I love him...

I can imagine kung paano magmahal si Mia kay Ethan at Ethan kay Mia... Kakakilig ang bawat eksena na magkasama sila. Natural na natural ang pag-arte.

I can say na based on true relationships lahat ng iyon. Totoo naman talagang minsan may 'walang forever' drama sa ating mga relasyon, But you should fight if you know its worth it. Sa tuwing mag-aaway kayo, please lang, think of all the good times rather than bad times. Ofcourse, dapat maraming good times kayo.

May na-miss ako sa movie na 'yan. Alam niyo na. HAHA. Ganoon kami magkulitan. Kagaya ni Mia, kinukulit-kulit ko ang boyfriend ko kapag engrossed siya sa nilalaro niyang games sa cellphone o kaya naman, concentrated masyado sa pinapanood sa tv. Kinakagat-kagat ko, niyayakap ko sa likod, para lang maagaw ko ang atensiyon niya, Magagagalit-galitan, tapos ihihilig na niya ako sa lap niya or sa balikat niya. Hayyyyyy. Kakilig magka-bf. LOL

Ugali no'n kapag nangungulit ng lambing, niyayakap ako ng mahigpit, saka aamuy-amuyin yung buhok ko. tapos kiss sa noo. Hayyy.. I love sundays.... I miss him agad...

Travelling Together Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

Natutuwa ako kasi ako lang mag-isa ang nagbi-view ng blog ko :) at least wala akong naiimpluwensiyahan ng mga kalokohan ko sa buhay.

Anyway, I'm starting a new blog-- a travel blog. I love to travel. Pero sa edad kong ito (almost at my quarter life), kakaunti pa lang ang napupuntahan ko. I've been so busy in my life back then, you know-- studies, board exam, work, work and work. Pero since nagsstart na akong makaipon (at nag-iipon) once in a while I plan out of town vacation. Siyempre, gusto ko naman kasama si boyfie para may taga dala ako ng gamit. LOL. joke. Hindi, para masaya :)

And so we have Anawangin vacation for 2 days and 1 night this weekends. I'm sooo excited! I love it when we travel together kahit may mga kasama kaming friends.

Sabi nila, mas tumitibay daw ang relasyon kapag nagta-travel. Well, siguro nga. Marami rin akong nadiscover na qualities niya habang kasama ko siya.

So here are some of his qualities that i realize while we travel together (with some chaperones-- este friends pala. Joke lang guyssssssssss :))

1. He's invincible

Para siyang nagsusuot ng invincible coat pag naghahanapan na kami kung saang lugar kami magkikita. LOL. At palagi talaga kaming nagtatalo sa lugar na pagkikitaan namin. Hindi niya alam kung nasaan ako, hindi ko rin alam kung nasaan siya. And we will meet halfway. At kapag nagkita na kami, kakagatin ko lang siya sa braso, okay na kami. HAHA

2. He's willing to spend money as long as we're comfortable, however, he's really a frugal man.

Galante siya basta komportable kami sa trip. Pero sa totoo lang, matipid siya. Sa madaling salita, kung gagastos siya, dapat 'yung worth it ng perang gagastusin niya. 

3. He does not like to travel

Ayaw niyang mag-travel, pero dahil sinasama ko siya, nararamdaman kong unti-unti rin niya iyong nagugustuhan. Isa pa, kahit na pilit lang ang pagsama niya, pagdating sa place na pupuntahan namin, para siyang bata na enjoy na enjoy sa mga views. I love looking at him like he's a child. haha

4. He's very patient

I remember those times that we were in Sagada going to Baguio, sumama talaga ng bongga ang tiyan ko. Siyempre, unang hahanapin-- CR! Matiyaga niya akong sinasamahan maghanap ng CR at bumili ng gamot sa napakalayong botika, imbes na sumama magtour at mamitas ng mga stawberries. One time also, we joined our family swimming in Subic, i had my "friend" that very first day, my uterus is really hurting (uterus talaga?) hahaha Wala siyang magawa kundi samahan ako. HAHA I feel very loved that time. hashtag heart heart #<3 div="">

5. He's excited and adventurous

Ang mokong, kunyari pang ayaw magtavel-travel, pero kapag nandoon na sa lugar na pupuntahan, aba, mauuna na sa ilog para magswimming (puerto galera timesss), hindi man lang inisip na hindi ako marunong lumangoy. Anyway, nagtampo ako sa kaniya that time. LOL. He also likes to jump off the water and swimmm (cliff jumping at Hundred islands). He likes to walk around the beach before swimming. He likes to climb mountains and explore caves (Sagada).

6. He like heights

He likes heights because i hate it. Haha Takot ako sa heights. In short, he love what i hate. Nang-aasar lang, gano'n. Gusto niyang sumakay ng Extreme (rides in Enchanted Kingdom), but nah, NO. Gusto niyang mag-Anchor's Away, todo tanggi ako. Ayaw ko na. Hahaha I also remember when we were in Tagaytay, takot akong sumakay sa zip line, panay pilit ng mokong. Siyempre, hindi ako nagpapilit. takot ako, e. Instead, we went to this huge ferris wheel, and I was like "Sure! Safe naman sa loob". Pero nakakalula pa rin pala. But then, I was amazed at the view, so i forgot my fear of heights kahit na kapit na kapit pa rin ako sa pole. Ang nakaka-touch lang, nagkunwari pa ang mokong na takot din sa heights maka-yakap lang. LOL. Or, para siguro damayan ako.

7. He respects my decisions

Like i told you, there were many times-- many many times-- that i turn down his requests ('Yong mga magsakay-sakay sa kung anu-anong may kinalaman sa heights). But the thing that really gets me into him is how he respects my decisions when it comes to out itinerary and money. Kung saan ko gustong kumain, go. Kung saan ko gusto magpunta, go rin. Siyempre, pinagbibigyan ko rin naman siya sa mga desisyon niya once na magsabi siya. But since I'm the type of girl that likes to make decisions, (trust me, marami akong plano HAHA) i really appreciate the fact that he respects it. I'm so glad that he was as kind as that. hashtag heart heart #<3 div="" ulit.="">

So... Ilan lang iyan sa mga bagay na na-discover ko about him. Marami pang iba. I'll post our Anawangin adventure some other time.

Thanks for reading :'>

Love,

Amohr

It Started With an End...

Six months and a half month ago... It started with an "end". Sinamahan niya ako na magdala ng mga gamit ko sa bahay namin dahil mag-reresign na ako. "End" -- dahil nalalabi na lang ang araw na magkakasama kami. Pero ang nangyari, pinigilan niya ako. So our love story started...

Hindi ko masasabing we're the best of friends, but we're close. Close to the point na 9 months ko siyang kasama, umaga hanggang gabi, pito o anim na araw sa isang linggo (24/7), dahil nakatira kami sa iisang staff house. Yeah, technically, we started as two persons living together-- with co-workers, ofcourse. We're housemates sa bahay, you know. 

He was just simple, no complications. Hindi siya madalas maglakwatsa, madalas ay nasa staffhouse lang tuwing sundays habang kami ay umuuwi sa kaniya-kaniyang mga tahanan. Pero minsan, hindi na din ako umuuwi ng sundays dahil iyon lang ang wash day namin, "free time" para makabonding ang isa't-isa.

Kilalang-kilala ko na ang taong 'to na kahit pag-utot niya ay alam ko. Lahat. Kaya thankful din na nakilala ko siya sa paraang ganito, hindi tulad ng mga ibang magkasintahan na mga mababangong ugali muna ang ipinapakita sa isa't-isa.

Noong naging kami, mas sumaya ang mga araw ko. I never thought i could be happy with a man. Ganoon pala magmahal. Literal na may mga glitters kapag magkasama kayo... (Korni)

Time passed by, and everyday, i'm loving him more. He was like my favorite song, playing on and on in my mind. He always encircle my thoughts, kung kumusta na ang araw niya, kung nakauwi na kaya siya, nakakain na kaya siya... Yeah, it was kind of terrifying feeling of depending on someone, as much as it sounds like a paranoid person. xD But its okay, noong tinanggap ko siya, binigay ko sa kaniya ng buo ang puso ko. Kaya wala ng bawian. HAHA

Nararamdaman ko naman that he was feeling the same too because of his efforts. Bagamat madalas akong magtampo because he was not too clingy, or showy to his feelings, but the way he looked at me when he suddenly wants to look at me, it was very overwhelming. Bakit ko nga pala sinasabi na hindi siya showy? Dahil ayaw niyang nakikipagholding hands in public. LOL Basta ayaw niya ng mga intimate moment (PDA) sa public-- Which i understands. Pero kapag mainit ang ulo ko (alam niyo na kung bakit--Hormones HAHA), nagtatampo ako dahil baka kako kesyo kinahihiya ako or may ibang gf na pinagtataguan or something. But everytime na inaaway ko siya dahil doon, hahawakan na niya ang kamay ko, tatawa lang at maglalambing. Hayyy. How can I resist.....

Anyway, nasa kaniya lahat ng tiwala ko pagdating sa bagay na 'yon. He was the kind of person that i could trust. Maybe because I know how God-fearing he was.

He also introduced me to his religion and i am looking forward to be one of them. Lagi kong sinasabi na hindi dahil sa kaniya (mostly) kung bakit ako umanib sa kanila, but i really believe to what they are believing in. It was more on the enlightenment. And that was the reason why I was very thankful that God gave me him. Dahil lalo akong naging malapit sa Diyos. Lagi ko ring ipinagdarasal na patnubayan Niya ang relasyon namin.

I am happy to be with Him I couldn't ask for more. Clingy man akong girlfriend, ayos lang. Lagi kong sinasabi sa ibang mga magmamahal na maaring huwag ibigay ang buong pagmamahal mo kay "mr. right", pero that's your choice. And I chose to give all the love I could give to him so that there are no regrets later.

Sabi ko nga, "I'm gonna love you like I'm gonna lose you,"

Kanta lang.

LOL

Missing You T.T

Lagi ko naman siyang na-mimiss noon pa.

But this time, i am terribly missing him. Missing him like crazy. Like literally crazy. Kiddin'. LOL
No, to the point that when i think of him, a tear would fell down my cheeks.

We talk over phone during bedtime everyday, and once a week, we used to see each other. Pero lagi na lang na pakiramdam ko, hindi 'yon sapat. At the end of the day, of every conversation, of every last eye to eye goodbyes, i would miss him-- so much-- that i wanted to cry in sadness.

Siguro, dahil dati ay kasa-kasama ko siya sa maghapon, 24/7, seven times a week. No'ng magkatrabaho kami, sabay kami sa lahat ng bagay. Pumasok sa trabaho, kumain ng lunch, dinner, merienda, umuwi sa trabaho, magtoothbrush sa gabi, sabay na humihiga sa kaniya-kaniyang kama kapag natapos na ang araw. Hayyy. Lahat talaga ng bagay, nagbabago. Change is inevitable.

Ako naman ang lumayo, e. Pero dahil tapos na rin naman ang project namin, talagang paghihiwalayin din kami ng project. Anyway, wala naman akong regrets sa step na ginawa ko in terms of career side.

Waaa! how could I get over with him? I mean, 'yong pagka-miss ko pala. Is this really normal? LOL

I just miss him T.T

Makikinig na lang ako ng kantang "Missing you" by Bea Alonzo. LOL

Pagbigyan na....

Space.

Ano ka? Astronaut para bigyan ko ng space? Pero siyempre, di ko yun sasabihin sa kaniya.

Today, I haven't messaged him nor called him. Naiintindihan ko na... Maybe he wanted space. Baka naso-suffocate na siya sa akin dahil nga araw-araw kaming naguusap thru phone bago matulog. Pagbibigyan ko na siya sa gusto niyang mangyari na every other day na lang kami magusap thru phone. I will stop expecting receiving messages from him daily also. Kailangan kong gawin 'to. Ito lang ang paraang alam ko para hindi ma-toxic ang relationship namin. Mahirap naman 'yung may isang na-totoxic di ba?

Maybe I should grow on my own as well... Naka-depende na kasi sa kaniya at sa expectations ko ang emosyon ko. I should learn how to control it again. Just like the old days when i was single. I should take over control of my emotions!

Hope it will be fine in the next days.

Hindi na ako maa-upset, promise. Nakakuha na ako ng payo from my best friends...

:D

Love. love. love

Communication

My relationship with my first ever boyfriend was not perfect. No relationship is perfect, i realized.There were good times, there were bad times. During good times, there times were like... i was in a cloud nine, butterflies and sparks are all over, everywhere. I love being with him, to the extent that I can literally survive the day if i was in his arms all day and all night.

Waking up beside the man you love was pure heaven. I remember waking up with him, thinking, "Ah, i could get used to this for the rest of my life". And boom! Suddenly I realized that I am starting to think about my future with this man, about how our life will be 3 years from now...

He was my first in all of the first that a girl to grown up woman like me should experience. My first real romantic date, first kiss, first holding hands, first intimate hug with a man, first dance, first man who brought me flowers... My first love. And all the first that you could think of. He often visit me in our house thrice a month since we separated from my previous work (we were co-workers that time).

But aside from good times, there were bad times. We are normal couples who fight but we make sure to end the issue at the end of the day. We always has communication issues. Communication for me is one of the important things in a relationship so as much as possible i would like to talk to him once a day, after work. But what is it with men not to notice that we women wants to connect more often? We are genetically wired for that. He usually asserts that we are always talking to each other so maybe we should make it to call every other day. I was like, "always?!" We barely chat in fb during daytime, and there were many times that he doesn't chat me in a day... I do not doubt his love for me. But he do not initiate the communication thing. Yes, he visits me in our place but i would like to talk to him once a week.. 

Agh, men! What is it with you not to be touchy about those things? LOL

But we're working things out. And hopefully we can agree on  those things..........

Sinner or Saint ?

I know I am not perfect, nor good or saint. I always fall on doing sins. And I always regret that and I continuously ask for God's forgiveness to my sins.

But I have committed this one grievous sin that I never knew I could. But I did not regret doing that... At Lagi-lagi akong humihingi ng tawad sa Panginoon para doon.

May mga pangayayari lang lately na bumabagabag sa akin.. It's really complicated. 

Maybe there is a reason kung bakit nangyayari samin to. Hindi ko nga alam na makakaraing ako sa puntong ganito, e. Never in my wildest dreams.

But everything is okay now. Marami na din ang na-realize at mga aral na natutunan para sa susunod ay hindi na mangyari ang kinatatakutan ng lahat...

Pero hindi na maibabalik ang nakaraan...

I am a sinner. not a saint.

And it is all because of love.

It's complicated.

Rant Pa More!

Dear Readers,

I don't usually brag my profession unlike any other people who has jobs. Not that I am not proud and confident in what I do but I think, I lost interest in my profession. Everybody knows that this is not my first love. I hate the fact that I hate what I do! Damn. Fuck Midlife crisis.

I don't want to admit to everyone that I am lost. Literally lost. I do not know where to start, where to go and what end of my career do i want. What do I want? I don't know.

If I will stop working, I will get depressed cause i don't want anyone to support me. I promised to myself to stand on my own feet....

Sometimes, I get depressed whenever I will talk to my colleagues and they are successful in the road they chose. Not that I envy them because they have the potential of being rich someday, but i envy them because they like what they do. Me? I don't know why i still feel like i lack of something. Parang may hinahanap pa ako. If you'll compare it to cooking of your favorite dish, may lasa ka pang hinahanap-- pero pagkain pa rin ang niluluto mo at alam mong malapit ng maluto. Ganun. Maaring mare-realize mo na ayaw mo pala ng niluluto mo, pero sa bandang huli, di ka titigil sa pagluluto hanggang sa makuha mo ang lasa.

Hayyy. I always wish to God whenever I'll worship that may He give me the happiness that i really want-- sa career. Masaya naman ako, pero hindi kumpleto. Maging masaya lang. But it is not that simple pala. Akala ko, ganun-ganun lang maging masaya. Ang hirap hanapin kung saan ka masaya. Marami palang gusto ang tao. Paiba-iba, nage-evolve sa paglipas ng panahon. Or maybe because I am in the middle of my midlife crisis?

I hate the fact that I hate what I do! Sana maging busy na....

Actually, wala kasi akong magawa sa new job ko kaya nagra-rant ako ng ganito. Natatakot akong baka nasasayang lang ang panahon ko sa paghihintay..... habang hindi ko pa nakikita kung saan talaga ako masaya. Tsk.

Maghahanap na ba ako ng bagong trabaho? or I will stop working o magisip?

Kailangan ko munang mag-ipon ng matindi!

Ine-expect ko na ang sarili ko na broke pa rin pagkatungtong ko ng 30's. huhuhuhu Hindi pa ganoon kasuccessful sa career...

ANyway, rant pa more! Sobrang hussle kasi ang biyahe.... at walang magawa sa work. huhuhu

Signing off...

Amohr Seyer

Lost Stars

I want to write! I want to write! I want to write! I can feel it in my bones right now. LOL. Gusto ko lang na may mapagbuhusan ng nararamdaman ko, dahil hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko dito. I'm so full of romantic thoughts (well, thanks for my boyfriend. Ang sweet kasi!) at dahil hindi ko naman siya nakakasama everyday gaya ng dati, walang mapaglagyan ng kilig ko. I really want to write again. So... I think magsisimula na akong magsulat ng isang nobela. Uumpisahan ko ngayon, pagkatapos ay buong araw ako magsusulat sa quezon city day, at sa susunod pang mga araw. Maraming holidays! hehehehe... Sana magawa ko...

Anyway, sobrang nag-enjoy na naman ako sa araw ko kahapon. Weekend e, meaning, a day with my man na naman. He visited our house saturday night after his work for sleepover. Bonding time kasama ang Aunt ko. By morning, sabay kaming sumamba sa Kapilya to worship. Then we head straight to the mall for our date :)

Super happy lang coz i got the chance to see him during the weekend pero nagaalala lang din ako na baka kinukuha ko na ang natitirang araw niya para magpahinga kasi sunday lang ang off sa construction industry. Since maraming holidays next week, I told him na depende sa kaniya kung gusto niya kaming magkita ulit, pero itinaboy ko na lang siya dahil baka masakal na siya. xD I wanted him to interact with different person naman kasi iyon ang nakikita kong gusto niya. At ska, ako rin kasi ay nalulunod sa affection namin sa isa't-isa, na tipong sa kaniya na nakadepende ang emosyon ko sa araw-araw.

So I said I will write, para doon ko maibuhos lahat ng emosyon ko sa kaniya. My first love was so overwhelming, at kapag hindi ko kinontrol ay baka ako rin ang makasira sa lahat. It was perfect, he was a charming, kind and lovable partner, and i don't want to make him feel imprisoned with my love. I want him to be as free as possible, but still knowing his way back in my loving arms...

Kailangan ko na lang sanayin ang sarili ko na hindi siya palaging kausap. Chat is okay, pero limitahan na, kasi kahit nagwo-work ako ay hindi ko mapigilan.

Anyway, working hours pero ito ang ginagawa ko. Sorry na.

Ipagpapatuloy ko ang kuwento next time :)

Anyway, ang title ng entry na ito ay isa sa mga paborito kong kanta at pinapakinggan ko ngayon.

Love,

Amohr

That Thing Called Tadhana

Sometimes, I can't help but to question myself why. Why I acted the way I act that day. Why I did this or did that. At the end of the day, I always feel regrets…

I wish I wouldn't feel regrets. I hate feeling regret. Regrets…

I know that we should move on and focus on more important things in our life. Hindi naman purket mahal mo siya, mahal ka niya, magfo-focus na kayo sa isa't-isa. At hindi porket sinabi niyang mahal ka niya ay maniniwala ka na lang basta. Ang pag-ibig, hindi lamang puro salita ang lahat. Ipinapakita rin sa gawa.

Madalas akong madismaya-- sa sarili ko at sa kaniya. Marahil ay dahil ito ang unang pagkakataon kong umibig, at mahalin din. Pakiramdam ko, mas mahal ko siya kaysa sa pagmamahal niya sa akin. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ganoon.

Ang sabi nila, dapat daw, mas mahal ka ng tao para sa huli, hindi ikaw ang talo.

The truth is, I am so afraid of what I am feeling right now. It was so overwhelming It was like standing in a hanging platform with a black hole underneath it.  I feel like, whether I like it or not, I will fall and get hurt. And I will always get hurt in the end. There were always an end. And there's got to be someone na masasaktan. O maaring pareho, pero may isang tao pa rin ang mas labis na masasaktan.

At natatakot akong baka ako 'yon.

I don't know if he's just not expressive but sometimes I feel like I'm nothing to him.

I feel like, I'm just a past time.

I feel like, if ever there is anyone who will come in the way, he will leave me and broke my heart.

Its complicated to fall in love.

I already gave my heart to him and there's no way of getting it back.

I want to open up my insecurities and issues to him. But I'm afraid… nakakatakot na baka lalo siyang lumayo sa akin kapag nalaman niya iyon…

First time to fall in love and to be loved.  Sana, hindi ako ma-reject agad… >.<

Tang i*a na pelikula. Humuhugot tuloy ako. HUHUHU…

THIS IS LIFE

I hate being called as KSP. Because really, I don't understand kung bakit naiisip nila iyon, samantalang halos ipagdasal ko nga sa bawat sandali na huwag sana akong mapansin masyado dahil sa isa akong introvert phlegmatic. At ako pa ngayon ang maarte just because i couldn't drink? Nakakaasar lang, kasi alam ko sa sarili ko na HINDI ako maarte. HINDI. Ang ugali ko, basta kung saan masaya ang isang tao, kahit labag sa kalooban ko, ginagawa ko without thinking of my own happiness. Okay lang sa akin ang madumihan, maarawan. Because that's how an introvert phlegmatic persons do. hayyyyy.... Nakakapagod talagang makisama minsan... pero that's life...

Bakasyon :D

For the first time for the last four months, nakapagpahinga din ng matagal-tagal.. Precious three days! Ang saya lang. So, update update din ng blog kapag may time :)

So, what's new in my life? I started to play guitar. Well... masakit siya sa daliri. I already have calluses on my fingertips. HUHU pero iyon raw ang magiging patunay na guitar player ka na for the rest of your life kasi hindi na iyon mawawala. Haha... so, okay na din :)

I was pushed to learn how to play a guitar kasi marami sa mga katrabaho ko ang marunong maggitara. HEHE In short, naiingit. CHOS. I really find it cool when they play a song in acoustic guitar. Sabi ko, gusto ko ding matuto. hehe... so... ayun, bumili ako ng gitara ko. (nagpasama pa ako sa isang guitar expert na katrabaho ko para lang makabili). Kahit papaano nakakatugtog na ako. :)

Mahirap lang pala yung magpalit-palit ng chords kapag mabilis yung song and ang hirap ng hindi open chords. Kapag inipit ko yung mga strings walang tunog na lumalabas! haha... next time na lang ang plucking. Nahihirapan nga akong magstrum habang kumakanta e. ang hirap pala! haha.. dami kong iniintindi like yung fretting, paglipat ng chords, pagstrum, tapos lyrics ng kanta. Hirap isipin ang mga iyon all at once! haha.. i guess i need more practice....

Things You Should Realize In Your Early 20's :D

Midlife crisis sucks, right? I know some people are experiencing this, including me. I have read many articles about midlife crisis, but I just still didn't get it. Or maybe I'm just too dense and innocent in real life to get it. *sarcastic laugh* Oh, but anyway, the important is, I have some realization that I just want to share. So, please grab a chair, sit back and relax (if you're not sitting) and... Well, just freakin' read this. Hindi ko kayo pinipilit, a. Medyo lang.

And oh, please realize that what written in this article are all in my opinion. Please don't dispute and sue me for I have the right to express my opinion, right?

Alrighty then, let's do this!

1.  You Take Charge In Your Life. It's YOUR LIFE Anyway.
• Do whatever you want, live your life as you want it to be. Do not be too conscious just because you feel that people always watch your actions. They are, don't worry, and they will always be. Kahit ano namang gawin mo, may sasabihin at sasabihin sila sa `yo, so why bother to impress them, right? You may:

1. Like, throw a folded paper in your co-worker's face when they're teasing you (or making fun of you) without thinking what they think of you since they started it. Ganti lang, `di ba? (Oh, well, that feels… LOL).
2. Sing a song aloud that everyone can hear your "Golden Voice" even in early morning.  Gisingin mo ang mga kapit-bahay mo. Malay mo, ma-discover ka pa sa The Voice, `di ba?
3.  Compliment a person or tell a person if you hate him/her, then tell them why and give them a quick punch in their faces. (joke lang sa huling part :) )

In short, do what you love. But, in the end, remember that you're the one who is full responsible in all your actions. Don't ever blame someone if you feel miserable in the end, okay?

2. Travel. Like a LOT.- Save money for travel, unless you want some kind of a walkathon from North Luzon to South Luzon. Maawa naman kayo sa sarili niyo. Sabi nga, it's better to invest in experience than luxurious things. Yayain ang mga kaibigang HINDI KJ. Anyone who wants to travel too. When you asked all your buddies and they all refused, end of the friendship na. Joke. Then learn to enjoy travelling alone, kahit "All by myself" ang drama mo.

3. Discover A New Hobby
Do something you wanted to do but at some point, you didn't had the chance to do because… wala lang, hindi mo lang nagawa because you lack passion. Do you agree that maybe this is the right time to have passion on doing things that you're not used to do? If your answer is yes, okay, next number.
Pero siyempre, joke lang 'yun. How about learning to play a musical instrument? A guitar, maybe? Piano, drums, cello, harp, trumpet… whatever. Or start to read non-fiction or fiction books. Get high in K-POP. Do cosplay. Hmm… What do you, think?

4. Bring Back Past Hobby

Contradicting to the previous number? You get that right. If you had a hobby once upon a time and you suddenly lost interest with it, maybe its time to bring it back.

5. Don't Compete to Someone Who Seems More Successful to their Career Even They Younger Than You or Same Age As You to the point that You're being obsessed and pushy.

Everyone is different in their own ways. Iba-ibang kaalaman, iba-ibang diskarte. Many people compare Juan to Pedro and vise versa even their passion and traits are not fully alike. But forget those close minded people who just wanted to criticize you for your lack of some traits that they saw on the other. Just be yourself. Also, do not compare yourself to others. Do not push yourself too much. You know your limits. Just enjoy whatever shit you're doing and learn from it. Contentment is always the key to happiness. Someday you will ask yourself, "Why didn't I did this in my twenties?" Regrets can hunt you for the rest of your fucking life. Sabi nga, do not hurry your growth.
Happiness is enjoying the flowers along the way-- not in getting the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

6. Realize that You Are Not a One Day Millionaire After Getting a Job.

I don’t know you and how you spend all your money, but having a job doesn't mean you will become a millionaire, rich and luxurious all of a sudden. Be realistic in your financial status. You couldn't just decide that "I want to buy this, I want to buy that" when you're money salary is lower than that one little tiny piece of expensive shit you just want to buy because that thing will make you feel pretty cool and popular. Stop that thinking, dude, or else you'll be financially broke and make your life miserableeeeeeee…

All I know is this. Once you got a job, you should take charge in all your finances and don't fucking ask for money to your parents, brothers or sisters… or your friends! Mahiya naman kayo sa balat niyo. Budget your finances. Or instead, give percent of your salary to your family. Mas maganda, `di ba? Mabait na bata! Always expect to be financially broke at the end of the month kung may pinaglalaanan naman talaga kayo. Pero mas maganda, may savings ka.

7. Schedule Family Time.
Visit your grand mother/ grand father's place together with family sometime and take charge of the expenses. Minsan lang naman. Huwag kuripot pagdating sa mga family gatherings. Family will be the last one to be there for you when no one else would, anyway…

8. Enjoy Opposite Sex's Company.

Okay. Awkward topic for me (since NBSB nga ako LOL), but let me bring this topic once and for all. The title doesn't mean you have to have a relationship in every girl/guy you meet. It's okay to flirt, yes, but do it in a most "conservative" and respectful way as possible. You don't want to end up with someone who didn't respect you as a person.  If you're in a relationship, just don’t. DON'T.  Don’t flirt with other person aside from your partner. Baka ako pa sisihin niyo, ha.

This is applicable for singles out there. Don't flirt  if you're not interested to that person. Well magulo ba? My point is, NEVER ever make a girl/guy fall for you if you don't have the intention of falling for them too. Huwag PAASA, dude.

9. Be Health Conscious.

• It's not about "Shit! I think I'm getting fat. My Crush/Girlfriend/Boyfriend wouldn't like me anymore if I'm fat. Maybe It's time to get my ass out of the house and do some jogging for at least 10km… But nah, that's just too tiring, I would just stay in the house and not eat for like maybe a… week or month?"

Sige, try mo lang. Pinapatay mo ang sarili mo sa ganyang kaisipan. Do you know the term, "Balance Diet"? Then try to search for it in google. Hindi ko na ie-elaborate. Magre-research din muna ako. He-he-he.

10. Always Make Time to God.

• In the end, it's HIM who will not judge us for our flaws and all, no matter what. The One who's always there to listen to our rants in life and wishes… even when we are selfish, and bad and all. Make time for HIM once in a while in your busy life and read some Godly articles. Don't forget to Thank Him all the time.

So that's it. Hindi ko sinasabing nagagawa ko ang lahat ng ito. As a matter of fact, I just realized this all of a sudden. So since I wrote this, I should start to adopt this as well. Thank you for reading!

by Skye Reyes :D

Saturday Madness

Its saturday! I should be happy but i feel like its just one busy day... kasi naman, wala na akong pahinga nito. Magsstart na akong magreview sa plumbing.. and I really want to take MP kasi sa susunod, magiging course na siya. Hayy... i only have 2 months to review. kayanin ko kaya? waaaaaaa.... bahala na. Avoid distractions, especially... thinking about him. Tama na, okay? Stop na. Aabalahin ko na lang ang sarili ko sa pagrereview...

:(

Dear Blogspot,

I don't know why i feel like my heart is being twisted and squeezed. LITERALLY. Is it because that I found out that he liked someone (and courting her) and he said he didn't want to commit the same mistake he did in his past relationship. I'm sorry for ranting at this early morning, but it really hurts. I... I... don't know what to feel anymore aside from being hurt, and what hurts the most is i have to pretend that everything is okay. that everything is normal. But hey, i gotta go. Toolbox meeting na namin...

Fallin...

I'm falling with him so fast and hard. How can i stop this feeling when i see him every second, minute, hour of the day, 6 days a week, 24 hours a day. How???? I'm starting to care for him of how he was doing, if he's okay or not, if he's on a good mood, or not... etc. But the truth hurts that I'm not that beautiful for him (damn self pity) and he was still trapped in his past. Wala akong panama sa dati niya. I'm sad when he seemed hurt because of his past relationship, kapag bumabanat siya na tila may malamig na kung ano sa puso niya. Oh, 'di ba ang drama? If I could only say that I'm just here for him, and we could be happy if he would just see me as a different person... not a boyish lady engineer hanging around them. I could dress like a lady if he want to... well, just a bit, I couldn't give up my rubber shoes and jeans. LOL. Anyway, as i was saying... ano nga bang sinasabi ko?.....

How on earth i could concentrate when we were alone in our room and he's singing? Ganda ng boses :) One of the things about him that made me fall-- Am I really...? Kauuwi lang naming dalawa galing site. Ayun, napapakanta na lang din ako. hehehe

Ala eh! Kainan na :)

Last tuesday evening, we went to Rosario, Batangas para makipamiyesta sa aming minamahal na Project Manager. We took off delayed because operations was still busy for the scheduled concrete pouring that night. After the concrete pouring at RWPS slab was settled, umalis na kami pero naiwan si Field Engineer. Dalawang oras yata ang biyahe namin papunta.

Siyempre, ang ganda ng bahay ni PM (Project Manager)! Aba'y kasarap siguro tumira sa ganong bahay. HAHA... Anyway, the house was beautiful, ofcourse, the food was also fantastic! haha... ang sarap no'ng paborito kong ube at macaroni salad.

Nakaubos ako ng dalawang can ng san mig light (ang paborito kong inumin kapag inuman time na). Kanta lang yata ako ng kanta sa videoke at kain ng kain ng macaroni, mangga at saging. Grabe 'yang issue sa saging na 'yan! Pati ba naman paraan ng pagkain, talagang binigyan ng malisya. HAHA... Kaloka talaga tong mga taong ito... Hanggang sa makauwi kami at kinabukasan pagkatapos ng fiesta,hindi pa rin nalilimutan kung paano ko pinutol ang saging (kasi mahaba masyado, mahirap isubo.) HAHAHA

Masaya! Sana, maulit muli :)

Happy Fiesta, Sir NRV! ^_^

From the top left, Ma'am lilian, me, Nikko

Top right: Sir Nat, PIC, Ma'am Claire

Bottom right: Mang Ricky :)